Road of Revolution
by Pearl-and-Locket
Summary: What if things were different after the first games? How will their future change after drastic changes to the government changes their lives. Katniss/Peeta. Spoilers of all three books.
1. Trains

**So this is my second story, and I changed a lot of the actual book, I hope that doesn't drive anyone away it's the first time I do something like this but It was another Idea that started to nag me after I finished Reconstruction. So hopefully enjoy, and if you like it please Review? =D**

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><p>Chapter 1: Trains<p>

**Katniss POV:**

I hate trains.

Too many things seem to happen while I'm on them. The food is good though, at least the trains I've been on. I guess in the Capital it's considered bad manners to underfeed your human sacrifices.

This occasion is in no way different. The victory tour has been a living hell, especially having to face Peeta after I told him that my love for him was an act. I still haven't told him about my conversation with President Snow, I've been trying to figure out how to integrate it into a conversation. Though I'm assuming the first step would be to attempt a conversation.

It was during our first meeting with Effie, as usual her zeal as she explained the importance of keeping a proper schedule was irritating me, I lashed out at her and stormed out of the train the second it stopped. It was unfair, Effie hadn't done anything that she wasn't supposed to, but I didn't want to be in that small room with Peeta, even as I looked away I could feel his eyes locked on to me, burning holes through me.

I followed the train tracks for a while; it was nice to see some greenery for once. _So this is district 11_, I think to myself. I sit on the floor to catch my breath and minutes later I hear footsteps fumbling towards me. "I don't want to hear a lecture" I say menacingly at the road behind me.

"Don't worry, I don't plan to." Says Peeta nonchalantly.

The sound of his voice catches me by surprise, "Oh, I thought you were Haymitch…Sorry."

"No, he's still preoccupied with his food." He sits awkwardly a few feet behind me, stretching out his prosthetic leg and supporting his body with his arms, letting his head fall back slightly.

"Bad day?" he says, staring intently at the sky.

"I don't want to talk about it." I do, maybe I do, want to explain the situation that we're in.

"Oh" is all he says.

"How's your leg?" I ask trying to fill in the gap of silence.

"It's fine, as good as it will get I guess." He stops for a moment and says, "I need to talk to you, about how I acted, on that last train ride. I hate that we ignore each other then have to act madly in love every time there is a camera nearby." I say nothing, I only listen carefully. "I'm sorry I expected anything from you. After the games were over I mean. I always knew you had something with Gale, I guess I just got caught up in the fantasy."

A few moments pass, heavy with silence, before he speaks again. "I thought maybe if I stop acting wounded we might have a shot at being friends."

His offer makes me feel better much to my surprise. "I'd like that. Thank you."

"So you want to tell me what's wrong?" he says brightly.

"Eventually" I say, instantly ruling out any conversations about our staged romance and our perfect shining bright future together. "I just don't really want to talk about it now."

He gets up slowly, struggling with his leg, and lends me his hands for assistance. "Let's go back to the train; I'm sure Effie is waiting for you."

"Damn! Was it really that bad?" I say as I realize the lengthy lecture that is sure to come.

"You should have seen the look on her face; I've never anyone tighten their lips so hard." I manage a smile. Maybe "friends" is something we can accomplish.

Luckily I escape with only a five minute rant about how people lack etiquette in this world, not to mention the importance of keeping a proper schedule.

Tired from the day, I lock myself in my room, shower and fall asleep until there is a knock on my door signaling that dinner has been served.

I find only Haymitch and Effie in the dining room. "Where is everyone else?" I say while looking at the empty chairs.

Haymitch doesn't acknowledge my question as he struggles to bring a spoonful of soup to his mouth through his drunken haze.

"Cinna and Portia are preparing some outfits for your first day in district 11, they will be eating dinner in their rooms. I have no clue why Peeta hasn't arrived yet, I'm sure he was properly informed that dinner was being served." Says Effie as she sips some hot chocolate.

I consider eating but decide that I can't stand an hour of no one but Effie. "I'll go get him; maybe he didn't hear the knock."

I walk over to his room and knock firmly on his door. There is no answer.

"Peeta?" I say close to his door. "Are you alright? Dinner was served already."

For a moment there is no response but then I hear rustling inside the room. "Yeah, I'm fine; I'll be out in a second. I'm just washing up." I hear him yell from inside the room.

Satisfied with the knowledge that I won't have to make small talk with Effie I walk back to dining room and begin to eat.

Peeta enters shortly after, his eyes red and puffy. Before I have a chance to speak Effie shrieks "What happened to your eyes? This won't do, you two are being paraded around the town tomorrow!"

Peeta frowns and says "Is it that bad? I was washing my face and I pressed some button by mistake and some thick soap got in my eyes. Don't worry I'm sure it will be fine in a few hours."

"It better be!" says Effie in a continuously shrill tone "If not your prep team is going to have to perform miracles tomorrow."

I look at Peeta for a moment and he gives me an awkward glance at first before turning his face to his food. Dinner goes by quickly, with Effie only interrupting periodically to check Peeta's eyes and lecture us about the magnitude of physical appearances.

After dinner I return to my room and fall asleep. Tomorrow, I have to face Rue's family.

**Peeta POV:**

I rub some cold water on my face to make sure the swelling goes away. I don't need my prep team badgering me about why I've been crying. I inspect my eyes briefly, they look normal again. I dry my face and head to bed. Tomorrow Katniss and I will be in love again…or at least I will be.

Sleep doesn't come easy but eventually my body gives in. In the morning my prep team busts through the door, energetic as ever, and puts me in some simple grey slacks and an orange dress shirt. I wonder what Katniss will be wearing. As they place products on my hair, mindlessly babbling about parties and other "Important" events my mind struggles to think about something that isn't Katniss. Soon enough though I don't have to imagine, Effie escorts me to the justice building where I see her, wrapped in a beautiful knee length orange dress a black lace bow tied off center, with her Mockingjay pin in the middle of the knot. I swallow hard…can I really smile and kiss her and still see her as a friend?

We are escorted through the city and its torturous, the Peace keepers in this town seem much more aggressive than those back in district 12. They make no attempts to keep any pretense of being there for the security of the people. They watch the people, riffles poised and ready to respond to any act of insubordination.

I squeeze Katniss' hand and she gives me a knowing look.

When the "joyous" parade is finished we are escorted back to their justice building, where we give citizens of the district. That's when it all goes wrong. The first mistake was when I gave the families of Thresh and Rue one month of my yearly winnings for the rest of my life, but after Katniss makes her speech and an old man in the crowd whistles a tune, it quickly spirals downward. The peacekeepers hurry us inward to the justice building, guns in hand. And when Katniss insist of getting her flowers, we see the worst possible thing happen, as two peacekeepers pull the old man out of the crowd, force him to kneel on the steps of the justice building and fire two shots into the back of his head. As if out of instinct, I get in front of Katniss and force her back into the justice building before any peacekeepers feel the need to "assist" us.

Once inside it takes me a few seconds to fully register what happened, and when I see the expression in Katniss' face I realize that there is something she hasn't told me. I grab her roughly by the arm and drag her to Haymitch. "We need to talk?" I say quietly to Haymitch. He doesn't respond, he merely turns around and signals me to follow him with his index finger.

He takes us to a dusty dome shaped room. It doesn't look like it has been used in decades.

Katniss rips her arms from mine and looks away. "What's going on? I know you two know something, you always have some secret way of communicating, just like you did in the arena."

Katniss continues to avoid my face. "Katniss!" I nearly yell "What the hell is going on, why did they just shoot a man for whistling?"

Haymitch's eyes shoot open. "They what?"

He stares intently at Katniss, but her eyes won't budge from the crack in dusty tile near her feet.

"Katniss!" Haymitch yells as he grabs her harshly by the shoulder and turns her around. The sheer force rattles her small frame and I can see her struggle to keep her balance. "What happened out there?"

She breathes in deeply and finally looks at me and Haymitch.

"President Snow came to visit me." She says shakily. And I instantly see the fear spread over Haymitch's eyes.

She explains how Snow told her that our act with the berries did not fool him. How it might be misconstrued as an act of rebellion to the other districts, and most importantly how he might hold us and our families responsible for the "misunderstanding."

My heart sinks. "And why is it that I'm just hearing about this now?" I say angrily, my eyes darting back and forth between Katniss and Haymitch. "You knew something about this too didn't you?" I say accusingly to Haymitch "It hasn't changed since the arena, like if I'm too stupid to deal with this situation." In my frustration I grab a nearby lamp and send it hurling against the wall, shattering it to a thousand pieces. I'm ready to go on a rampage, but the shocked look in Katniss' face subdues my rage.

"She hadn't told me anything either, but I figured something like this would happen." he places his fingers on his eyes and scrounges his face as he rubs them. The situation is difficult enough even more when he's completely hung over.

"Ok, that's all that's happened that's all I know ok? So just help us out Haymitch, just get us through this tour without any mista—" his annoyed scoff cuts her off. "You still don't understand do you? You never escape the games sweetheart!" The bitterness in his voice is palpable. "Do you think it all ends with this tour? What happens during the next games Katniss? You two will always be under the scrutiny of the Capitol when you're mentor's."

My eyes open wide at the realization of what he's telling us, and shortly after Katniss does the same. "You mean…" she says hesitantly.

"Yes Katniss" Haymitch says slowly "The second you brought those berries to your mouth and told the nation you would die for Peeta you signed your fate over to the Capitol. You two will be expected…" he stops and rethinks with approach "No, demanded to give the Capitol their star crossed lovers for the rest of your lives." He pauses for breath. "You're going to have to marry this boy Katniss."

I can see the pain in her face as it twists and forms torturous expressions. I guess the idea of being with me, let alone marrying me, is the most disgusting thing she's ever had to think about.

I turn around and start to walk out of the room. "Where do you think you're going?" says Haymitch bluntly.

Without turning around I say "We're done here aren't we? I'm going back to the train…I'm tired." I walk out the room and gently close the door. I walk back to the train and avoid all eye contact. I enter my room and fall limply on the bed. I feel like screaming but I won't.

I hate trains.

It seems like every time I'm in one a part of me has been sentenced to death.


	2. Change

**OMG CHAPTER 2. So yeah I'm really excited about this story, there is a lot more plot in it than my last one, and I hope you guys like it. lol. So yeah First major plot part thingy is this chapter. and...yeah...IDK what to say except thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy, and thank you for all those of you who are reading this because of my last story i really appreciate the support. So here it is. Chapter 2! Also Reviews are super appreciated =D.**

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><p>Chapter 2: Change<p>

**Katniss POV:**

I watch Peeta leave and I feel exhausted. "I thought this was what he wanted." I say to Haymitch bitterly.

He examines my face for a moment and says "Really? You really think he wanted to force you to marry him? Even you would feel hurt if he had reacted the way you did." He heads for the door. "You should get some rest too; it's going to be a long week."

I'm left there standing alone in the company of cobwebs and shards of porcelain. When I head for the door, the sting of Haymitch's words takes effect. I should have controlled myself. He's been doing it for me.

I walk back to the train preoccupied with my guilt, lost in thought, and before I know it I'm lying flat on my bed, crying. Somehow I always end up crying, but I take comfort in knowing that I will never cry in front of Snow or the Capitol. I am woken up by the firm knock on the door, telling me that dinner has been served. I wash my face and head for the dining room.

"Katniss your eyes? Don't any of you know how to use a sink? I would think by now you would know how to use the soaps on sink, especially after what happened to Peeta yesterday." I touch my eyes and realize how swollen they've become. "Don't worry Effie; I'm sure the swelling will go down like Peeta's." I sit down awkwardly between Haymitch and an empty chair. "Peeta?" I ask Effie shyly.

"He said he didn't feel like eating." She gives out an exasperated huff, "And here I thought he had manners." The way she says it rubs me the wrong way, in a manner only Effie could, but I suppress the need to lash back, I don't feel like sitting through another one of her lectures about how manners and finesse is something us district people always seem to lack.

Dinner is strangely tense, Haymitch is seemingly sober but refuses to speak, while Cinna and Portia are preoccupied in conversations about how to coordinate my and Peeta's outfits. Effie of course interrupts periodically to complain about the condition of my eyes.

On the way back to my room I fight the urge to visit Peeta, maybe apologize for my reaction. I am all but a few steps away when I decide it isn't something I want to discuss and return quickly to my room. The room feels colder than usual; I walk into the bathroom and examine my reddened puffy eyes. That wasn't soap on his eyes either. I think to myself. I wash my face once again and dab the swollen skin under my eyes, it should be gone by tomorrow.

I lay in bed restless until my body gives out and I fall to a rocky sleep.

Much to my surprise the light streaming through my window is what nudges me away. Not the flamboyant ramblings of my prep team, or Effie's shrill voice as she dictates my daily schedule. I relish the silence for once.

I stand only because of my hunger. After washing my face and teeth, and changing into suitable clothing. The halls of the train are strangely quiet, and it isn't until I reach the dining room that I see any signs of life.

Effie sits in her usual spot at the head of the table, her lips are tightly pursed and arms are crossed over her chest as she clacks her heels in desperation. She looks like a child throwing a tantrum. Pathetic.

"Am I late? No one woke me up." As if staged Peeta stumbles into the room. "What time is it? No one came to my room."

Effie quickly stands and says, "The worst possible thing has happened!" Her frantic voice is enough to place me in a state of high alert. "The tour is being delayed. It seems like they have some problems at the district 10 train station and they can't receive us just yet. How dare they this to me." For a split second I'm mad at myself for even thinking that Effie was alarmed about something of importance.

"Yes Effie, how dare the Capitol place you in such a horrible situation." The harsh sarcasm in my voice is enough to make Peeta give me a questioning look. As if warning me that fighting with Effie will only lead to another lecture. But all of it is lost on Effie, she just continues to rant. "Thank you Katniss. I'm so glad you understand, and it isn't just about me, what about you two?" she responds with genuine disappointment. "We are supposed to celebrating your victory and now it's ruined." She falls back down to her chair and stares at her food.

Peeta walks to her and says "Don't worry Effie, I'm sure this is just a minor setback." She gives him a kind stare, like a spoiled child that just got exactly what she wanted and then begins to eat.

I stare at Peeta throughout breakfast, his eyes aren't puffy. I want to speak to him, but I'm not sure what about, instead I focus on my food. After we're done eating I look at Effie: "So what do we do now?"

"I guess you have the day off." Effie responds, her voice laced with gloom.

Instantly Peeta gets up excuses himself and heads out of the room.

**Peeta Pov:**

I'm almost to my room when Katniss interrupts me.

"Hey…" I can hear the reluctance in her voice.

"Hey…" I say, equally unwilling to start a conversation.

"We have the day off. What are you planning to do."

Go to my room and cry, maybe I'll die of dehydration. I think to myself. "I was just going to relax in my room. Wait it out I guess."

"Oh." She says, but I can see her searching through her head, most likely for an excuse to talk. "Want to take a walk with me, outside I mean." She looks nervous.

"Sure." I say, unable to deny her.

It's a surprisingly nice day; I guess you tend to lose track when you're indoors and moving at high speeds. The scenery hasn't changed as much as I'd expected it to. Jus some tall trees on the side of the tracks. I guess to her this is as relaxing as it gets. It probably reminds her of Gale. We walk silently, side by side, for a couple of minutes.

"You didn't come to dinner last night." She says cautiously.

"Yeah I wasn't feeling very hungry." _I lost my appetite when I realized that getting married to me made repulsed you more than the arena._ "I just decided to go to bed early."

"Oh. I was just curious…" she says softly. There are awkward pauses as we walk, neither of us knowing exactly what to say. Should I apologize? Should she? Instead we both agree to walk silently. Side by side, not one of use willing to break the silence. No more attempts at a conversation are made and soon enough we decide to return to the train where we part ways to our individual rooms. I sit on my bed unsure of what to do with my time. At least when we were busy there were distractions, no matter how unpleasant.

I hear a knock on my door several minutes later. "Come in" I yell from the bed. But when I see Katniss open the door I quickly stand. "What are you doing here Katniss?"

"You said we would try to be friends!" she says shakily.

"Of course…yeah…" I say trying to shake the surprise from my face.

"Then why can't we talk? Is it going to be always awkward when I'm around you?" I'm not sure why but her words hurt me. Is it my fault? Am I impeding the very friendship I offered?

"I'm sorry…come in?" and she takes a hesitant step past the door. "I'm sorry we didn't talk today, I just didn't know what to say. And this trip, it's tiring, I don't even sleep well." The frustrated features of her face soften and I can see sympathy make its way through. She knows exactly what I'm talking about. I doubt sleep is easy for her.

"I don't sleep well either." She takes a few more steps into the room.

"Yeah…I figured I wasn't the only one." I step back and sit on the bed. "Would you like to sit?" I say pointing at the bed. She stares at me slightly scared. I can see her body tense up. "I'm sorry there aren't any chairs I can offer." She nods, her body relaxing, she closes the door, and sits next to me on the bed.

"I can't forget you know. Sometimes I'm even scared of going to sleep." I see her eyes widen and for a split moment I'm scared I've said too much. She thinks I'm insane…who knows, maybe I am.

"The nightmares don't really stop…" she says as her eyes fixate on her fingers, "it feels like I never really left the arena, like I'll wake up on top of the Cornucopia."

I let my body slide further down the bed; I'm exhausted even though it's so early. "We're not exactly safe here either." I feel the bed move slightly as he nods.

I'm jarred awake by the motion of the train, we're moving again. To my left, Katniss is sleeping peacefully. I wonder if this is the first time she's been able to. It was for me.

I get up slowly, and somehow manage not to wake her up. I exit the room and head for the dining room, it's late and I'm starving. Sitting alone in the dining room is Haymitch. His face is extremely sobered. He turns to me and says "I guess you'll be the first to know."

**Katniss POV:**

When I open my eyes it takes a few seconds to realize that this isn't my room. When did I fall asleep?

I stretch my arms and rise slowly from the bed; I haven't slept like that since before the games. The room is dark and makes it hard to find Peeta.

He's gone.

I slump on the bed for a moment, feeling abandoned. Maybe his nightmares didn't stop maybe they were worse.

I prop myself off the bed and head for the door, but before I reach it I hear loud footsteps quickly approaching.

I hesitate to open the door, instinct tells me to back away from loud footsteps.

Seconds later Peeta comes busting through the door with a wild look in his eyes.

"Katni—" he says out of breath, he turns on the light of the room, burning my eyes momentarily.

"Peeta what's wrong?" I say alarmed.

He calms down instantly and looks at me sadly. The only thing that flashes through my head is we're going to die, and all our families have been killed. The look on his face makes me want to cry.

Without warning he embraces me and kisses me passionately. His lips are warm and full. As he takes my bottom lip and caresses it with his. At first I'm frozen, shocked by his boldness but slowly I feel my body being pulled into the passion. My legs get week and we stumble towards the wall. But we don't stop; the feeling was too strong to break away. My hands travel to his hair and back. This wasn't like any of the kisses we've had before, it was intense, passionate, satisfying, and there were no cameras.

He pulls away for air and presses his forehead against mine.

"Snow is dead. We're returning to district 12." He says silently "You're free." He pulls away and I see his face. He's smiling but the sadness in his eyes is unmistakable.

He exits the room, and I stand alone, my fingers on my lips. Trying to digest everything he's just told me. But two words come back to me. "You're free" not we're free, just me.


	3. Revolution

**So I hope this chapter clears up how the revolution happened. Though there will be further explanation in future chapters, I'm not going to completely forget the revolution stuff and just focus on romance but there will be plenty of that...anyway I'm rambling so Here is chapter 3 and Enjoy. Reviews tickle my Pickle still =D**

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><p>Chapter 3: Revolution<p>

**Katniss POV:**

Peeta and I haven't spoken since that night. He left the room quickly and somehow managed to avoid me the rest of the trip back. Once we made it back to district 12 we were welcomed by our families. It seems they were informed of the situation rather quickly, in fact most of Paneem was made aware of the assassination of President Snow, due to the fact that it was televised. How ironic.

The first person I saw was Prim, crying and laughing at the same time. I ran to her and hugged her as hard as I could. "I missed you so much" I hear her little voice between sobs. "I miss you too Prim. I'll never leave again." My mother stood behind her, crying silently to herself. "Welcome back Katniss." She managed to whisper. I wasn't able to do any more. Seconds later after I see Peeta emerge from the train, of his whole family only his father came. I see his father pull him into a deep hug and both men silently shed tears, never once letting go.

He looks my way and we make eye contact. I want to talk to him, but I wouldn't know what to say. He makes no attempts to use his words, but his eyes speak volumes. I miss you, I want to talk to you, I'm sorry. Just from his eyes I see it all. But his eyes become terribly pained, and it isn't until I'm in Gale's arms that I realize why.

"I'm glad you're back." His voice is seems to be filled with genuine relief, but behind it there is something else, maybe something only I would notice. Peeta walks away quickly with his father and I know why. Part of me is mad at Gale; he always manages to be much more affectionate whenever Peeta is in our presence, a nasty habit he's picked up since he kissed me in the woods. "Me too" I tell him.

"He's dead Katniss. We're free." Peeta's words resound in my head. I'm free? But Peeta isn't? He's wrong; I've never felt so trapped.

**Peeta POV:**

Back in district 12, and it's all over. Katniss goes back to Gale and lives. I'm happy for her. No more camera's to follower her, she's free…from me. That's what always seemed to bother her the most. Back at the bakery life resumed as usual. My mother gives me a short hello and a small hug before returning to the store front. My brothers are too busy with their work to notice, and why should they be surprised to see me, all victors return from the tour in one piece, and now that Snow has been killed and the Capitol overtaken then my presence isn't anything out of the ordinary. My father gives me a reassuring squeeze and pats my shoulder before returning to his work. After all even if the Capitol is overtaken, we still need to make a living.

I get no expecting looks from anyone; I assume my assistance isn't required. They've learned to live without me the second I was reaped.

I excuse myself, my brothers nod in acknowledgement, my father smiles warmly, and my mother hurries me along, explaining how I'm disturbing the customers.

I walk back to Victors Village, I feel exhausted, and I want to go home. But I know I'll find no comfort there, only emptiness and cold.

When I reach my house I trudge up the stairs, fall onto the bed and bury my face against the pillow. As the tears start to roll I feel like screaming. And this time I will, there is no one in this house to hear me.

**Katniss POV:**

The walk back to Victors Village is comforting. Prim and my mother never once let go of me. Gale follows closely behind. When we arrive we sit in front of the fire, and thought I want to relish their company I feel exhausted. Gale lingers longer than expected, and I can't help but feel his presence is unnatural, he never lingers unless there is something to be gained, ever the efficient hunter.

"I'm going to sleep, I'm exhausted." And I am, not physically, I'm just tired, in essence. I trek up the stairs and fall flat on my bed. I feel my body getting heavy, and my eyes stinging, begging to close. I'm free I think to myself. What exactly does that mean?

When I wake up it's only from hunger. At dinner my mother explains everything that's happened. How there were rebel factions hidden deep within the Capital infrastructure. How even in district 12 there were rebel groups, lying dormant, waiting for the opportunity to strike.

An opportunity that Peeta and I gave them when we raised those berries to our lips, creating a general unease throughout the districts. Uprisings started to happen, some small like an old man whistling in the crowd, others much more drastic, like the bombing of the justice building in district 3. Every time the capitol retaliated against the people it fanned the flames of rebellion.

Within the Capitol there were rebels in important places, Plutarch Heavensbee, the newly appointed Head Game maker was actually a high ranking rebel.

The information is a lot to take in, to think this all happened and we remained ignorant. While we struggled to survive plans were being made. As always we were tools, for the Capitol then the rebels. I struggle to work through the new found knowledge. But I am taken aback when Prim explains to me how the rebels operated from district 13. The very same district that was "obliterated" during the last rebellion against the Capitol, it seems that they survived underground, and held a stalemate with the Capitol due to their nuclear capabilities.

They can see that I feel overwhelmed; I haven't had nearly as much time as they've had to digest the information. "I'll tell you the rest later Katniss." Says Prim. I find it strange that a 13 year old girl is offering to explain a revolution to me and not our mother. I guess despite all my efforts even she has been forced to mature much too quickly. "Oh!" she says as she remembers a detail "I don't' know if you need to hear this….but they killed him publically, I didn't see it myself, mom didn't let me, but she told me that they hanged him. They even held a trial even though it was over very quickly. Not even the people of the Capitol wanted him alive after he killed all those children." I turn to my mother and smile at her for the first time, it's ridiculous, I know, to even pretend that Prim hasn't seen death, she's seen horrible things in the games, but I'm glad some part of her wanted to shield her from it. Then I turn back to Prim. "The Capitol citizens revolted against him? Because of the tributes he killed?" It seems unlikely to me, however I do see them turning against him for their own good.

Prim shakes her head. "No Katniss, it wasn't tributes, they were Capitol children." I widen my eyes in shock. "Capitol children? Why?" I know Snow was a monster, but he never seemed to be a sloppy killer, what would he gain from killing Capitol children. "We're not sure why, it wasn't really explained well in the broadcasts. It seems he surrounded the building he was hiding in with children in hopes of stopping the rebels, but when it failed he bombed the children, and some medics that tried to help them out." I examine Prim's little face, her expression is twisted with pain, no matter how mature she is she is still only 13 and that was a lot to handle.

"Let's go to sleep?" I offer to Prim and my mother. They both nod in consent it's been a long day. Sleep doesn't come easily, it never has after the games and I know it never will again. My dream is bitter sweet; I see dozens of children dying in a large flash. Their bodies twisting and wriggling in the fires of the explosion, I cry out for the faceless children unable to help them. Then I see Snow, standing with a noose on his neck, an immaculate white rose on the lapel of his jacket. When the floor drops his body dangles helplessly, but I don't look away. Before the life is squeezed out of him I read his lips as the words escape his mouth "Curse you Katniss Everdeen."

I know that I will always be haunted by nightmares, visions of bloodied bodies, blood on my hands. But just this once I bask in the horror, I truly hope he cursed my name the moment he died.

I the morning I wake up to Prim. Her blonde hair and blue eyes, so uncharacteristic of the people of the seam, my thoughts travel straight to Peeta.

"Hey." She says in a soft voice, "Let's go eat breakfast."

Just hearing her voice elevates my mood. "Yeah" I tell her "I'll meet you downstairs."

I get up slowly and go to the bathroom. I look at myself in the mirror and notice the slight coloration under my eyes, I didn't wake up screaming last night, but even a satisfying nightmare is still a nightmare.

I splash water on my face, wash my mouth, and braid my hair.

Snow is dead. The Capitol has been taken over by rebels. It's a beautiful morning.

"So is there anything else that I should know?" I ask breaking the silence.

"We're on standby" my mother says while setting a cup of hot tea in front of me.

"Standby?" I say bewilderment clearly visible on my face.

"Almost everything has been stopped, schools, the mines, anything that was previously controlled directly by the government. There was an announcement shortly after execution. They are revamping the system so they halted all activities until the changes are made. For now they will be sending provisions to the districts. I think the train stations are the only government owned structures that are still functioning. Even the mayor has been affected; he's had to go to the capitol for some sort of government official meeting."

"They're not going to…" I say sharply, not wanting to think about the rebels killing Madge's father, he was of the government, but he wasn't a bad man.

"We don't know." Says Prim. "But I don't think so, wouldn't the rebels have done that here when they started fighting."

Prim's words put my mind at ease. My relationship with Madge isn't like the one I have with Gale, but aside from him she's one of the only people I can call a friend, I wouldn't want her to lose her father.

After breakfast we all sit in front of the fireplace, it's still cold outside and moments like this are hard to come by.

"I'm going to go out for a bit." I say while slowly getting up.

"You're going hunting?" Prim asks curiously.

"No…" I say softly, "I'm going to check up on Peeta." I feel slightly embarrassed, for some reason I didn't want them to know.

"Ok" says Prim. And my mother gives me a look I don't completely understand, as if she's trying to see if what I'm saying is code for something else.

I leave immediately, and as I walk to Peeta's house I instantly regret not taking a jacket. It's gotten colder.

I knock on his door. There is no response. The cold temperature and my lack of covering make me restless so I turn his handle in hopes that he hasn't locked his door. He hasn't.

I walk through his living room and kitchen but he isn't there. I know I should just leave but for some reason I linger, and decide to check if he's in his bedroom. Maybe I want to check that he's still alive.

I open the door to his bedroom quietly, just in case he is sleeping. But when I don't see him, only a partially unmade bed I gain confidence and step into his room. Seconds later I hear movement in the bathroom and the door opens widely, a nude Peeta emerges with a towel over his head.

"Peeta!" I yell shocked.

Instantly he pulls the towel of his head, his eyes are spread wide open, the blood rushes to his face and his complexion reddens. As if by reflex he places the towel around his waist and slams shut the bathroom door.

"What are you doing here Katniss?" he yells from behind the door.

"Why are you naked?" I yell back, ignoring his question.

"I was showering, besides it's my house!" there is a small awkward silence between us.

"Katniss? Are you still there?" I don't want to answer but I do anyway. "Yeah…I'm still here."

"Can you step out of the room, I need to get dressed." I'm partially insulted by this, I've seen him naked before so why should this be so weird. "Yeah sorry…" I respond, quickly shaking out my previous train of thought.

I step out of his room and head towards his kitchen, my face throbbing and my heart racing. Minutes later he joins me downstairs. He's regained all composure and calmly asks "What are you doing here Katniss?"

My reflex is to apologize repetitively; he shakes his head to tell me its fine. "I was just going to check up on you, and it was cold outside so when you didn't answer I just walked in. I'm sorry."

"It's fine" he says. It could have just been me, but for a second I almost thought I saw a smile on his lips.

My face hardens and I ask him, "Did your family tell you… about everything that happened in the capitol?" he shakes his head, "No, but I saw it on the television, there is an information channel that is rerunning the details." I stare at him, hoping to gain something from his words, but he's at a loss for words, I think we all are. "I guess we just sit and wait. There are supposed to be updates within the next couple of weeks." I nod, he seems to be up to date, but there is one last thing I wanted to know. "Did you see it?"

His eyes meet mine for a moment and he looks down at the counter. "No. They're not replaying the video, but I'm not sure I want to see it. I don't want to see him ever again."

I'm happy he said that, it's enough to know he's dead is that I'll never have to see him again, that he won't be able to touch my family, Gale, or Peeta.

"How is your family" I ask breaking the pensive silence between us. His eyes flinch a slightly, and I can see his expression grow dimmer.

"They're fine. They've been fine for a while. I guess they learned to live without me since the day I was reaped."

I instantly regret asking. I never really thought about it but he lives alone, I never even see his family around here.

"Come to dinner? At my house." My question catches him off guard. "Sure" he says with a small smile.

I make my way to the door, but before I do he gives me a tight hug. For a moment I expect to feel his lips on mine, warm and full just as they were that night. But they don't come. "Thank you Katniss." He whispers on my neck. His breath sending an electric vibe down my spine.

When he lets go I awkwardly fumble out of his house towards mine. A new string of thoughts plagues me, Snow is dead, and the star crossed lovers don't have to exist anymore. Where does that leave us? Friends? I place my hand on my neck, the electric sensation from his breath lingers. Just what did you free me from?


	4. Friends

**This chapter was supposed to include more info but I got stuck on Peeta's perspective. So If it doesn't have enough I apologize, I don't want it to be to fluffy. So please review and let me know what you think. =D.**

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><p>Chapter 4: Friends<p>

**Peeta POV:**

After Katniss left I didn't know what to do with myself. Everything was so slow, I felt as if my senses were elevated beyond human level. I don't remember how many times I made my bed, how many times I cleaned the floors, windows, furniture. When I look at the clock only two hours had passed since she left, I feel like I'm bursting at the seam from happiness.

The practical side of me tells me to be calm, to stop skipping ahead and making plans, twisting a simple action to something much more. I should know from the arena that to assume anything between us is more than just friendship will only get me hurt. This calms me down, if only a little.

I decide to spend my time baking bread; I don't want to seem as if I'm taking advantage of their hospitality. Suddenly the idea of Katniss' mother and sister not liking me invades my thoughts; it bothers me, especially knowing that they already have a close relationship with Gale after so many years of hardship.

I decide to make the bread as special as possible. It takes a couple of hours but that suits me just fine, especially after I have prepared a myriad of breads each with a different combination of cheeses.

I place the breads to cool and go shower, hand setting out some brown shoes, thick khaki slacks, and a long sleeved green dress shirt. Would my prep team approve? I have to remind myself that it doesn't really matter; I'm just going over to have a simple dinner, who will care what I wear.

**Katniss POV:**

I'm strangely nervous about Peeta eating dinner with us. Prim and my mother have met him before, and they seemed to get along well enough, then again they had too. No one was allowed to disturbed the image of the star crossed lovers. They have no real NEED to like him. The thought of them not accepting him bothers me. But I don't understand why.

I check up on dinner, my mother is in the kitchen preparing some sort of stew, I don't want to bother her while she cooks, scared of souring her mood. I shower quickly and try to choose something to wear. I don't normally care, but I don't normally have guests. I tie my hair in a simple braid. Find a simple comfortable orange shirt and a pair of comfortable black pants. It's almost time for dinner I wonder if he'll even really come.

My mother sets the dinner table and calls me and Prim to come eat. Minutes later Peeta arrives.

He seems nervously awkward. Shirt tucked in and hands occupied holding a large basket. He sees my perplexed look as I see the basket and quickly explains. "I brought some bread…I hope that's ok." I take the basket from him and welcome him into the house. "Yeah that's great, come in."

His eyes travel slowly around the room, he's been here before and our houses are nearly identical but he still takes in every detail.

I lead him into the kitchen where my mother and Prim wait, ready to begin eating. "Hello, thank you for having me." He says meekly, they smile in return. I place the large basket bread in the center of the table. "Some bread I made, as thanks." My mother smiles once again but this time a little brighter.

Dinner goes well, he seems to get along just fine with my mother and has made a strong connection with Prim, somehow I always expected that. They have the same caring personality. After dinner we settled in the living room. We started the fireplace and ate some of the cheese bread that he made. Prim sits next to him on the couch. She seems to have taken a liking to him, I'm glad. My mother seems to have had a pleasant enough time; after she finishes her bread she excuses herself.

Prim and Peeta have preoccupied themselves with a chess game. He's has the upper hand but I see her face light up every time she makes a move that challenges him, slowly until she wins the game all together. She gets up slowly and triumphantly yawns. "I'm going to bed." She says smiling. "Play with me again?" she says to Peeta.

"Ok but you have to promise to take it easy on me next time." She smiles impishly. "It's a deal, good night."

She gives me a hug and scampers up the steps.

We are left alone in front of the fire; we sit uneasily on either side of the couch unsure of what to say to one another.

"Thank you for inviting me to dinner."

"It's no problem. I hope I your family doesn't mind." I regret saying that, I know they don't go to the Victors Village, he eats alone. He focuses on the flames, lazily dancing in the fireplace, "They don't." Is all he says.

There is a long stretch of silence after that. I sneak looks at him every one and again, his eyes have the same powerful hue even in the light of the fire.

I see his face quiver slightly as he builds up courage. "…Gale didn't want to come?" A fleeting look is all he needs to gauge my reaction, to see if this question is something that a friend shouldn't ask, I decide to answer honestly. "I didn't invite him." My answer catches his attention.

"Oh." He says, his lips on the brink of a smile. "I just assumed he would be here I guess."

"Why?" I know what he's thinking but I want to hear him say it.

"No reason…"he say, if any sort of smile was forming in his lips it's gone now. "Has your mother told you anything else about the state of the Capitol? I only have the news reports to go by."

"I think they're in the same situation… are you worried?" I seem him going over an answer in his head, trying to sort out how he feels about the situation.

"I…I wouldn't say I'm worried, but I'm not happy about it. I don't feel like there is any reason to celebrate yet, I don't know anything about these rebel factions." He looks into the fire. "I'm still trying to deal with the fact that there is a district 13. I don't really want to pay attention politics though, I just want the people I care about to be safe."

"Yeah…I know." I say, joining him as he stares pensively into the fire. I know how he feels, I feel the same way. "You think everyone else feels the same?" I feel my question is ambiguous and I am about to rephrase it when he answers. "I don't know, I'm sure it's enough for some people that he's dead, I can't say I don't feel better knowing. But there are plenty of people who have gone through enough to be weary even of the rebel factions. All we can do is try to get by as best we can."

I scoff slightly. "So nothing's changed." I see sad smile spread on his face. "No, I think plenty has changed. We just don't know if it's for the better yet." As always I wonder if there was more he meant to say.

The fire dances gently, radiating comfortable warmth. That's the last thing I remember.

I wake up in the in my bed the warm and rested under a thick comforter. My shoes are placed neatly next to the bed. Did Peeta? My face burns with embarrassment. I change and wash my face; I re-make my braid and head down the stairs. Before I reach the kitchen I hear the gentle noises of life. Somewhere secret I hope its Peeta, maybe playing chess with Prim. I should thank him.

When I enter I see his physique, standing in front of Prim. "Oh Katniss I was just going to go wake you up." She says.

I look directly into his eyes. "Let's go hunting?" says Gale. I nod gently and head to my room to change into my hunting gear.

We haven't really hunted since he kissed me, and our relationship has been awkward at best, maybe he wants to discuss what happened.

We walk towards the fence in absolute silence, this in itself is strange, we never walked towards the woods together we just met there. We listen to the fence to make sure it's not electrified. It shouldn't have a reason to be anymore, but you never know. Once we enter the meadow and I gather my bow he finally speaks. "Parts of the seam already have electricity. We received a notice; we should be getting permanent electricity soon as well." I say nothing.

He looks at me expectantly for a few moments. "Trains with supplies have been coming into the district. Things changed almost instantly after the rebels took over." I still say nothing; I just try to enjoy his voice. "Who knows maybe we won't need to go hunting anymore."

His words feel like drills inside my brain. "What? Why?" My reaction seems to please him because a big smile spreads across his lips. "I'm not saying we don't hunt anymore, I'm just saying that since there won't be any shortage of food then we don't really need to hunt." I don't get what he's saying, sure I understand what he means, but I don't get why he's suggesting it. "You don't want to hunt with me anymore?" I say almost defensively. "No of course I do. Just never mind." He pushes me slightly as we walk, and for the rest of our session his mood is completely elevated. I finally feel like I'm back, we hunt, gather, and fish.

On our way back we pass by my old house. We turn on the fireplace and fit in front of it to warm our bodies. We're silent, as we normally are, but it doesn't feel awkward anymore, it feels like I'm with my best friend Gale again.

"The Capitol has been taken down." He says slowly. I nod, but I still don't know how I feel about it, not yet. Just try my best to get through it, I think to myself. He looks at me expectantly once again. When I say nothing he rolls his eyes, "so…how is Peeta." I look at him quizzically, why he would even ask me that is beyond me. "He's fine, we've been hit with a lot of information but we're fine. He's fine."

"Have you spoken to him recently?" he says. I answer before thinking, "yeah, yesterday. He had dinner at my house." I see his jaw tighten. "Well then, I have to get back. So I'll see you later Katniss." Before I have the chance to respond he gets up, takes his game bag and storms out of the house, slamming the door shut.

**Peeta POV:**

I can't take Katniss out of my mind. Last night…how can I just be friends, how can I live and see her in the arms of Gale. I know what they have, and I know it's not fair for me to get in her way, to complicate her life and relationship. I want her to be happy, but I want to be happy too, and I can't see myself being happy without Katniss.

I sit on the living room couch and I look out the window. That's when I see her walking to her house. She has her hunting jacket on and a lumpy burlap sack. She went hunting, and I know she was with Gale, they always hunt together. My heart begins to ache.

Maybe I'm not meant to be happy.

It's not her fault; she was forced to "love" me. Why wouldn't she resent me for it.

I let myself sink into the couch. I feel the sensation of her hands on top of mine when she fell asleep. The thrilling sensation of her breath on my neck when her body slid and her head rested on my shoulder. The subtle smell of her skin, I see the bead of sweat that formed on her neck from being in front of the fire for too long. The way it rolled across her smooth skin, tracing the lines of her slender neck, her collar bone, then I can only imagine, as it disappeared into her shirt.

My mind travels to that night on the train, the fear I felt when Haymitch told me that Snow was dead, that we would return home. I knew, before I understood anything else, it meant that I had lost her forever, that the one thing that tied her to me, no matter how horrible, was gone. I remember the kiss; I was desperate, hoping that if I poured all my love into it she would finally learn to love me. I know she won't and doesn't. Snow is dead and so are the star crossed lovers.


	5. Habits

**Loooooooong Chapter. So yeah, lots of stuff happens here and I hope you guys really enjoy it. I'm not sure if every other chapter will be this length but this one issss lol. Anyway Reviews will make me a happy man so review muahahaha. lol and thanks for reading I hope you enjoy it. =D**

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><p>Chapter 5: Habits<p>

**Katniss Pov: **

My mood was less than pleasant after Gale stormed out. What the hell does he want from me?

I storm into my house releasing all my frustration on the door. "Katniss?" I hear the little voice from the small voice from the kitchen. "Yeah!" I answer sourly.

"What's wrong?" She asks, coming out of the kitchen to meet me. I consider not telling her, but aside from Gale and Peeta she's the only other person I can talk too. Gale is the problem and I don't think Peeta would want to listen to me talk about Gale.

"I think I had a fight with Gale." I say shyly. She stares at me for a moment as if I'm being irrational. "Haven't you guys fought before?" I consider it but in reality our friendship has always been a quiet one, it hasn't been about what we say to one another but the fact that we can say things to each other, trust. "We never spoke a lot so we didn't really argue."

"It's Gale. You've known each other for a long time, I'm sure it will blow over." She says self assured.

"I'm not sure it will…" as the words escape my mouth I see Prim's face fill with curiosity. "Why?"

Damn! I can't tell her that he kissed me. I don't want her to know, I don't want anyone to know. I try to go through excuses in my head but fall short. "I don't know, he's just been acting strange." She looks dissatisfied but doesn't pursue more information. I sit on the couch and sink into it, breathing out my frustrations. I can see Peeta's house from the window. I fix my sights on his window and relax.

"Is he coming to dinner again?" says Prim settling beside me. "Who?" I ask confused. "Peeta" she says brightly. I picture him again, alone in that huge house. I wonder why his family won't live with him.

"I haven't spoken to him about it. Should I?"

"Only if you want. I like him." She smiles and returns to the kitchen.

**Peeta POV:**

Her hands, creeping softly on my skin, are invigorating to say the least. I react sharply to her touch as she slowly unbuttons my shirt, bend and weave when she slides her fingers across my chest, dancing slowly downwards towards the seam of my pants. "Are you sure?" I ask her, fully expecting her to snap out of delirium and run away in disgust. Her soft lips are the only answer I need. I position myself…

The knocking on the door snaps me awake. Damn it! I say under breath, not even in my dreams it seems.

I'm not sure at what point I fell asleep on the couch, but I stand groggily and stumble towards the door angrily. No one comes to visit but when they do it has to be on the worst possible time. The knocking on the door hardens. I reach the door and swing it open forcefully. "What?"

Katniss stands defensively past the doorframe, and for a split second images of my dream flash before my eyes. I blush. "Sorry, I was asleep…" she shakes in her place. "Are you alright?" I ask, scared to think that it's because of my greeting.

"I'm sorry I knocked so hard, I just forgot my jacket…" I wave for her to enter anxiously. Afraid that she will somehow know that I was dreaming about her, maybe see it on my face or sense it in the air. Considering the nature of my dream I doubt she would be pleased. "Its winter you know, every time you come you seem to forget your jacket."

"Well at least I didn't barge in this time" she says mockingly. "True, who knows what you would have seen this time." She blushes.

"So what do you need Katniss." The redness fades from all parts of her face except her nose. "…Prim wanted to know if you would like to have dinner with us again." I hide my excitement. "I wouldn't want to intrude, will your mother mind?"

More importantly would you mind? Do you want me there? I see her face tighten a bit. Her mind working and weaving, maybe I gave her the excuse she needed to take back her invitation. "No she doesn't mind, Prim had already asked her if it's ok."

"Ok then. I'll go." I assume she's going to leave but she stands there awkwardly, staring at me anxiously. "Peeta?" she says softly. "Can I ask you a question?"

I nod equally nervous, unsure of what she wants to know. "Why doesn't your family live with you. Why are you here alone?" I'm not sure how to answer myself. "Want some tea?" I tell her signally her to the kitchen. She follows me and sits on the island counter as I prepare the tea. When I give it to her she cups the mug with her hand and lets the steam travel to her nose. "Thank you…" I can hear the regret in her voice, "it's ok, I've wondered the same thing. Remember when I told you that they got used to living without me after I got reaped. I really don't think it was difficult. I'm the third of three sons, I'm nothing special really." I pause for a minute trying to sort out my thoughts. "When we got back from the game I expected them to live with me, this house is large and had a lot of things that are hard to come outside Victors village, but they didn't really get used to it. My brothers didn't want to close the bakery and neither did my mother. My dad didn't want to either but I don't think he would mind the walk back to the bakery, but he couldn't leave them. It was as if being in the games and surviving them meant I wasn't their responsibility. I can see the logic though; if I can survive the games then I should be fine." I stop and take a deep breath. "I am though, I still help them out sometimes, but most of the times I get in the way, they've developed a new pattern for working." I see her eyes get red; she must think I'm pathetic. "But I'm comfortable here, and I see them often."

"Can't you go back…if you wanted to?"

"…I could I guess, but there really isn't a point, what would I do with this house." What would I do if I couldn't see you every day? I think to myself, and that's how it has to be, because that isn't something you say to your "friend."

"Yeah, I guess." I see her body relax slightly.

"It's getting kind of late, I should start the bread." I start to bustle around the kitchen but again she doesn't leave. She finishes her tea and sets it in the counter, gazing into the empty cup.

"Are you alright Katniss? You seem preoccupied." She snaps out of her daydream and averts my eyes as if she were hiding something from me. "I'm just thinking about people…I could help you with the bread if you don't mind." Again I have struggle with the excitement bubbling in my gut. "Sure." I say calmly.

We work for a couple of hours, I try to teach her some of the basics but any enthusiasm that might have been there is quickly overshadowed by her frustration over the consistency of the dough. I try to help her with the kneading, but when she fails once again she decides to give up, doing nothing but passing ingredients and placing the trays with dough in the oven.

"I can't believe you do this every day." she says with a mocking grin. I look back at her and say "I can't believe you kill small animals every day."

"It's much easier and twice as enjoyable, maybe I'll give you a lesson someday." I doubt she would, after all it's their forest. "Maybe I'll hold you to your word." I say, genuinely curious to see the world she shares with Gale first hand.

We part ways after we make the bread, I needed to get cleaned up and she went to help her mother with preparations for dinner. At dinner I make sure to pay attention to Prim, after all she's the reason I'm here. I speak with Katniss' mother for a while as well, mostly small talk but I assume I didn't make a bad impression the first time since she contributes to the conversation. After dinner she goes into the living room with us, and after I let Prim beat me in a game of chess she compliments my bread and goes to bed. Prim follows shortly after, grinning victoriously at me. "Next time I'll win" I say self assured. "So next time you won't take it easy on me." She catches me by surprise; she's very astute for such a young girl, maybe I won't win next time after all. I smile and she floats silently up the steps.

Once again Katniss and I are left alone, on either side of the couch staring into the fire. "Are you ok? You seem like your mind is somewhere else." She makes no attempt to hide this. "Like I said, just thinking about some people."

"How is Gale?" I say trying to change the subject, but she winces as she hears his name. I guess I should start calling him some people.

**Katniss POV:**

"He's fine." I say bitterly. I hoped that he didn't pick up the tone but he knows me to well.

"Is everything alright between you two?" he avoids my eyes.

"We had a fight today…well he had a fight today. We went hunting and he got mad at me for no reason." He looks at me for a moment, his hands tightly grabbing the fabric of the couch. He quickly lets go once he realizes that I noticed. "I'm sorry…" he says, sounding sad but not sorry, I'm not sorry either, Gale has been acting strangely since that time we kissed, or rather he kissed me. "Do you want to talk about it." I do, but not with him, I don't think I can. He notices my hesitation and drops the subject. But I notice his mood changes. His eyes return to the fireplace.

We settle into a comfortable silence but it doesn't last long. It's very different then when I'm with Gale, where we only seem to aggravate one another when we try to communicate.

"What are you thinking about?" I say, setting my eyes on his. "Just thinking about some people." He says sadly. We return to silence, I hate it, I feel so much better when I hear his voice.

"Thank you…by the way."

"For what?" he says curiously. "For…" I feel myself blush. "Carrying me to my room last night." He nods his head and a blush creeps on his face. "It's…" he is interrupted by a knock on the door. I sight out annoyed, "give me a minute" I tell him. I head to the door, and open it slightly.

"Hey…can I come in?" says Gale softly.

I hesitate before I open the door; it feels like he's intruding on something very personal, though I guess it isn't. I'm "free" aren't I? I open the door slightly and lead him in. When he comes inside and sees Peeta his jaw tightens again. "Is he always here now?" he says with an air of arrogance. It rubs me the wrong way, after all it's my house, who is he to judge who I invite. "He's here now. Is that a problem?" He nods to me and then gives Peeta a half hearted hello. I see Peeta's body tense awkwardly.

"Can I talk to you privately?" He says looking into the kitchen. I nod and follow him, excusing myself to Peeta, whose awkward façade has yet to fade.

"I'm sorry I walked out on you today, I had some things to take care of." It's a lie; I could tell he was mad at me. "It's fine." I say with an attitude and start to make my way into the living room when he grabs my wrist.

I turn around sharply. "Wh—" he cuts me short, pushing his lips roughly against mine. My hands flail for a few seconds before they settle as fists on his chest. My breathing is staggered and so is his. I'm completely at a loss for words. What do I say…"Peeta!" I say surprised. Gales eyes open widely and stare angrily at my mine. But when he follows my line of sight he sees a slowly decomposing Peeta, standing in the threshold of the kitchen.

"I'm… I'm going to go Katniss, before it gets late. I'll see you around." He smiles weakly and leaves. I see a smirk spread across Gales face, and he returns his eyes to me, no longer angry.

It's too much at the moment. Why is did he kiss me again? Why did Peeta have to see? Damn it. Damn it. Why can't things just be normal?

"I love you." He says and gives me an expectant look. I search through my head for an answer, struggle to formulate words when his were so heavy. "I know." Wrong choice words.

He backs away from me slowly. "And what Katniss!" he says, his voice growing harsh.

"Gale, I don't…I haven't had time to think about these things, I just got back from the tour, from trying desperately not to die!"

"What about now Katniss. It's over, are you saying you want him?" the frustrated look on his face is frightening. "No! I don't know, I just need time to think."

"Think Katniss? What's there to think about, the Capitol is gone! You don't need to play house with him anymore." He says, his voice softening as he steps forward, prepared to pull me into his embrace. I stand defensively. "Just I need time, I have to think… Please just give me time, don't do this to me now." His expression grows angry once again. "You say it as if I'm hurting you." He walks away furiously but even his rage doesn't mask his hurt.

I go to the living room, sit in front of the fireplace, and cry.

**Peeta POV:**

Damn it, am I that stupid? Why do I do this to myself? How many times will it take before I learn?

I'm pacing inside my house; I can't find a single spot where I feel comfortable. I decide to visit Haymitch, maybe I can talk to him; after all he won't remember a thing I told him in the morning.

I go to Haymitch's house and find him drinking in his kitchen. "Mind if I join you?" I ask him. "Join me?" he says loudly, the stench of alcohol heavy in his breath. "What you got girl trouble?" he says laughing. I don't answer. He kicks a chair in my direction, shifting the layer of dirt and household debris from his floor. "Grab a glass." He says pointing at the set next to his liquor bottle. "I'm not here to drink." I say to him. He smiles lightly. "I'm not here to listen boy." he pours a large amount of white liquor into my glass.

It's awkward at first, I just watch him drink himself to oblivion. When I judge that he's far enough into his inebriation that my words will be forgotten I begin to speak. "I saw her kissing Gale today…"

He laughs loudly, "You just need a less complicated girl." I hadn't noticed he was this drunk. "Friends….we're friends. Nothing else." He stares at me for a moment, and I prepare myself, ready to catch him if he collapses. "Are you sure you're not here to drink."

Maybe he's not so drunk after all. I give in and take a big gulp of the liquid. The taste is repulsive. My throat throbs aggressively as the liquid travels to my stomach. But when it hits I feel and extreme heat spread. I take smaller gulps from then on until I've downed all of it. All along Haymitch stares at me. "Feel better kid?" I do but not enough. I still know she doesn't love me. I'm still stupid enough to hope that she changes her mind. "No I don't." He fills my glass again. "You will…eventually" he says noisily. The smell of alcohol doesn't affect me as it did at first. I down the second glass without thinking. It still burns, like swallowing fire, but I push myself through it. I start to feel sluggish, lightheaded… brave.

"I just don't get it you know. Why am I so unappealing to her!" Haymitch just watches me, carefully refilling my glass every time I finish. "And she just invites him and kisses him like that in the kitchen, I was basically right there…Did she want me to see! She probably didn't even want to have me in her house. I can't believe she would go so far to push me away. What the hell have I done to her, how is it my fault that I'm in love. It's not like she's easy to love anyway!" Haymitch laughs at me and nudges my arm, daring me to do something about it. "What, you think I'm just going to take it." He doesn't say anything. He's mocking me. "I'm not a push over Haymitch! Watch me!" I feel brave, strong, sure. I put the empty glass down and walk out his door.

**Katniss POV:**

I haven't gotten up since Gale and Peeta left. I stopped crying almost thirty minute ago though. I think I ran out of tears.

I hear the staggered knocking and my heart beat shoots. I can't handle seeing Gale again. What does he expect from me? I need time. I consider ignoring the knocks, but when they don't stop I decide to get the door before they disturb my mother or Prim.

I grab the door knob and take a deep breath. When I see Peeta, I'm glad; I wasn't ready to speak with Gale. "Peeta?" I say curiously. Something is wrong. He seems…off. The second he opens his mouth I realize what it is. The fumes of alcohol catch me off guard, I choke on the on the pungent air.

"Are you drunk?" I say, my body feeling lighter from the anger boiling inside me.

"No, I just had a few drinks. What's your problem! If you didn't want me in your house you didn't have to invite me. In fact if you don't want me in your life, just tell me!" He puts his hands on the door frame to support himself. I step out and close the door behind me. No jacket. Damn it. My face is in close proximity to his, and the smell of alcohol is strong, but the heat emanating from his body is comforting, almost making me forget the cold.

"Peeta you're drunk! You don't know what you're talking about." He pushes himself off the door frame and struggles t little to stay upright. "No! No Katniss. Why did you have to do that? You couldn't just have told me. I was right there; you know how I feel about you. Why would you do that to me." Hearing him so vulnerable hurts me. "Peeta…come on I'll take you home." I drape one of his arms over my shoulders and place my on his waist for balance. "Let me go! I don't need your pity!" It feels like he's stabbing my heart but I suppose he has some right to do so. "You're lucky you're drunk or I'd punch you in the stomach" he stares me down. "What's stopping you? It's not like you're afraid to hurt me." He's a master with words, even dead drunk. "Just shut up you don't know what you're talking about."

He doesn't speak anymore until we are in his house. We with great effort I manage to get him up the stairs and into his bed. "Is he a good kisser?" he says bitterly as I'm removing his shoes. I know he doesn't really want an answer, he's just trying to get to me, I know he's just drunk, but it makes me angry that he's asking me. "He's a little forceful but not bad." I'm lying I'm not really sure how I felt about it. His eyes tear. "I hope you're happy then. You got all you wanted right?" The pain in this voice is palpable. "Yeah? And what's that?"

"You got Gale, and you finally got rid of me." He smiles at me triumphantly. But the pain follows almost instantly. "Ha! Pathetic!" he says as he wipes a tear away. "What an idiot I am."

"You're not pathetic. And you're not an idiot." I kiss him softly on the lips. His face is twisted in confusion. "Why would you do that? Why are you making this harder?"

"Because you probably won't remember in the morning." He looks at me and his eyes tear again. "What if I do?" I don't answer for a while.

"I didn't kiss Gale. He kissed me…" His eyes widen. "Oh. I thought." I stop him with another kiss. I can taste the alcohol, but it doesn't take away from the tenderness of his lips, warm and soft.

"Get some rest ok." I say while I brush his hair out of his forehead. His eyes get heavy and slowly he drifts off. He starts to sweat so I cover him only halfway. I kiss his lips one last time when I know he's asleep. "You're a better kisser." I whisper in his ear. I wonder what would happen if he remembered this in the morning, would that be a bad thing.


	6. Dinner

**So I've been taking a little longer to upload so I apologize, but this chapter is here lol so yeah. So what can I say, I hope you have as much fun reading this as I do writing it lol. And as always reviews are always appreciated. =D **

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><p>Chapter 6: Dinner<p>

**Peeta POV:**

The second I wake up the pain in my head is beyond belief. The dim morning light feels like a thousand suns against my eyes.

"Crap!" I say to myself as I put a pillow over my head. How could I have been so stupid. Drunk? What was I thinking? Small images flash into my brain. I know I spoke to Katniss, but what I said is a blur to me. What did I say. I prop myself up against the headboard and instantly flashes go through my brain. I remember kissing Katniss. Or maybe she was kissing me? Damn it why would I go to Haymitch at a time like that. What did I expect to happen? By now any progress I made with her is most certainly gone. Still one memory rings clear and true in my head. I saw her kissing Gale.

I close my eyes and lean my head back. The throbbing in my head is excruciating. After a few minutes I decide to get up. I stumble towards the bathroom, each step resounding loudly in my head. My eyes have yet to adjust to the extremely bright lights. "Lightweight…" I whisper to myself. I don't bother to turn on the light in the bathroom; my corneas have suffered enough. I wash my face, brush my teeth, and stumble blindly back to my bed. Just a few more minutes…I'm not ready to face the day and all of its consequences.

"Feeling better?" I hear a soft voice say. Alarmed quickly prop myself up on my arms and shift my head painfully around the room. My senses ache to keep up with the motion. There, in the corner of the room, near the window, where the light is at is painfully brightest I see Katniss sitting on a rocking chair covered with a quilt.

I stare at her completely unsure of how to react. "Feeling better?" she repeats.

"I feel like death." I let myself fall back to the bed and stare at the roof. There is no point in keeping appearances now. "I'll get you something for your head. Where do you keep your tea?"

"It's in the same place where you keep yours. Peppermint if I have any. Please." She stops for a minute, I assume to imagine they layout of her house, before leaving the room.

Minutes later she returns with two cups of steaming tea and some bread in a platter. "I took the liberty if you don't mind." I only nod. We drink and eat in silence. Neither one of use sure of what to say, she breaks the silence. "Do you remember anything? From last night?"

"I'm not sure if I do, should I be apologizing for something?" I say, maybe that kiss was more of an assault? "Not really." The way she's acting…maybe we didn't kiss at all, maybe it was part of some drunken dream.

"Thank you for taking care of me…"

"I'm just returning the favor." The nonchalant nature of her voice makes me think she's hiding something.

"What is it Katniss did I do something I'll regret."

"No, you did nothing wrong. Except the obviously stupid choice of getting drunk." I stare her down, trying to probe into her mind, to know what is going on through her head.

"What about you? Anything you regret?" my question catches her off guard; she's silent for a few moments then smiles. "No, I don't think so."

I smile back. "Good." Still I wonder if she's lying. "Will your mother be worried?"

"I don't think so. I often go out early in the morning to hunt so I don't think she'll notice."

"Oh good, I didn't want to cause you more trouble. Was I that bad that you had to stay the night?" I see her blush for a moment. "It got really cold and I forgot my jacket, so I just decided to keep an eye on you…" and uncontrollable laugh escapes me. She shoots me a glare. "It's not like I had time to prepare."

"Sorry, sorry I know." I stand and walk towards the closet grabbing a thick wool jacket. "Here, you won't have to be cold." I walk over to her and drape it over her shoulders.

"You really don't remember anything?" She has an almost disappointed expression on her face. "My head is pounding. It's all kind of hazy. If I do you'll be the first to know." I smile warmly and that seems to bring her out of her own thoughts. She gets up, wrapping the jacket tightly around herself. "I'm going to go. You're welcome to come to dinner again. You told Prim you'd beat her at chess today."

"Yeah" I say smiling. "Thanks."

**Katniss POV:**

He didn't remember anything, well with that much alcohol in his system I guess it makes sense. It's probably for the best, our relationship is complicated enough without him remembering that I kissed him or the things I said.

As I walk out of his room a warm sensation overtakes me. I hang tightly to his jacket and take in its smell; it has the same sweet scent of his skin. It's a cold winter morning but in my current state I feel more than comfortable. "I finally have a jacket." I whisper to myself and laugh silently.

I'm about to reach my house when I hear Gale's voice. "Hey can we talk?" The warm feeling in my body drains and I start to feel the cold of the morning more than ever. I grip tightly to jacket.

He eyes the jacket for a second before he begins to speak. "New jacket?" his voice sounding strangely accusing. "No." is all I say, I don't need to explain myself to him nor I don't want to bring Peeta into the conversation. He drops the subject and continues. "Listen about last night I know I was a little hasty, I know you need time, and you've been through a lot." He takes a deep breath. "You're my closest friend and I don't want to lose you Katniss." I feel my eyes tearing. "You're my best friend Gale I don't want to lose you either." I see his face light up and I hug him tightly. Still in the back of my head I can't help but feel awkward.

We go hunting that day and I feel a great sense of relief that our dynamic hasn't isn't gone. I never feel more comfortable with Gale than when we're hunting. Last night flashes through my head every now and then, and I find that I'm excited for dinner.

"You're in a good mood." Says Gale. "Am I?" I am, but probably not for the reasons he thinks I am.

"Hey I was wondering…do you mind if I stay for dinner at your house today?" my previous excitement is wiped off, but I keep my façade. I don't want him to think that I would hate to spend time with him. But what will happen when he sees Peeta. "Ye—yeah that's fine. What about your family though?" I say, hoping that he feels guilty leaving them alone.

"They'll be fine, the trains have been coming with food all week, there isn't a shortage anymore, I'm really only hunting out of habit." I nod and paint on a nervous smile. "Perfect!" He smiles back and we return to our hunt. But my anxiety doesn't fade. We part ways after a couple of hours of hunting. On my way home a maelstrom of negativity rages in my head. I see cold stares and stinging comments, but most of all I see Peeta hurt and defeated because of me once again.

I should have said something; maybe I should have invited him on a different day. Why would he even want to have dinner at my house? In the years I've known him he's never even made a suggestion of that kind. Well I guess it's not really a mystery it's because he knows Peeta has been having dinner at my house.

Regardless of my nerves the day continues, as it gets closer to dinner my anxiety increases greatly. Every few minutes I look out the window to see if Peeta or Gale is coming or worse yet if they meet along the way. "What's wrong Katniss?" Prim says from the couch. "Nothing…"

"Gale is coming to dinner today…" she makes a strange face. "Why? I mean it's not that I don't want him to come, it's just strange of him."

"Didn't I say he was acting strange?" She looks at me knowingly. "You did, but you didn't say why." I twist my face at her wit. "Maybe later then." She pouts in disagreement and I walk out of the room, unwilling to cave to her demands.

Peeta is first to arrive, he enters the kitchen and sets the bread on the counter. Says hello to Prim and tells her to prepare for her defeat. She just laughs. They seem to have gotten close these past few days. He seems to be in a great mood. Which makes me nervous; I don't want Prim to see his reaction once Gale arrives.

"Can we talk?" He says seriously. I nod but as we are about to walk away I hear the knocking on the door. Crap! I think to myself. I feel my face become numb and my stomach churn. "Are you ok Katniss." I don't' want to answer. I make a motion between a nod and twitch and head to the door.

I hear Peeta settle in the couch with Prim. I open the door slowly and greet and effervescent Gale. It makes it harder to know that his mood won't last long. "Am I late?" he says smiling. "No…" I say slowly. "Right on time."

My mother calls me into the Kitchen to help her with some stew so I lead Gale in and excuse myself. I only catch a glimpse of his jaw muscles tightening as he sees Peeta sitting in the couch laughing with Prim.

**Peeta POV:**

The second I set my eyes on Gale I see his face muscles tightening, he never seems shy to show his anger. I'd like to think I'm surprised but I guess I should expect this. "Hi Gale." I say as amiably as I can, there's no point in letting him ruin my mood, and I don't want to sulk around Prim, she's much to perceptive.

"Hey" he grumbles, hostility brimming in his voice. He sits on the sits on the couch farthest from us and stares intently.

I try my best to ignore his glares and continue my conversation with Prim, but the glares are unnerving even for Prim. "I'm going to go see if they need any help." Says Prim awkwardly. I give her a glare, begging her to stay, but she ignores my plea.

We sit, in absolute silence for minutes before he speaks. "You've been coming often?"

I nod confidently "Just a few times really." Maybe I should feel awkward but I decided the second I saw him enter the room that I would stand my ground, I'm just as much a guest as he is.

"Oh" he says making no effort to hide his disappointment. "How is your family?" I ask trying to make small talk. "Good, everyone is doing much better now that we aren't being controlled by the Capitol." A small smirk spreads across his face and instantly I understand his meaning. I feel like lunging at him for reminding me that Katniss and my relationship was nothing more than a farce by the capitol but I won't give him the pleasure of knowing he's getting to me. "I'm so glad to hear that." I say smiling brightly at him. I may be feeling vulnerable but he'll never now that.

"How about you and your family." He asks, the smirk all but gone from his face. "They've been doing well. Me too, ever since I won the games with Katniss things have been good, especially now that we're free from the Capitol." His face twitches every time I mention Katniss and myself as a couple, I can play his game too. The muscles in his face tighten once again and I sit back and relax, enjoying my victory.

No matter how much his words hurt me I'll never give him the pleasure. I've had to act calm under much more pain than he can ever inflict on me.

Prim calls us into the kitchen and we get dinner started. I act as normal as possible. I make small talk with Mrs. Everdeen, make Prim laugh a few times, and even get a chuckle or two out of the anxious Katniss. Gale seems to lack charm when the only mood he can portray is anger, and that suits me just fine.

After dinner we all move to the living room, and sit in front of the fire. Katniss offers to make some tea for everyone and asks me if I can help. I glance at Gale to measure his expression but he seems expressionless. Too angry? I think to myself.

In the kitchen I maintain my happy façade, it seems to have worked on everyone but I can tell it didn't work on her. She knows that Gale's presence in something I felt was ours hurt me. "Are you ok?" she asks softly. "Of course Katniss why wouldn't I be." She looks at me sadly and looks into the living room. "I didn't' plan this if that's what you were thinking. It just sort of happened." I don't acknowledge what she already knew, but it makes me glad to hear that. I smile genuinely at her and set her at ease. We prepare the tea in silence. After passing out the tea we settle on the couch with Prim. I promised Prim I would beat her at chess but I was too preoccupied to focus. "I thought you said you'd beat me today?" I smile at her? "I thought I told you to take it easy on me." My wit earns me an innocent laugh. "Next time?" I nod and agree. "Next time!"

Gale did not waste any time, when I look away from the board he's settled next to Katniss on the couch, distracting her from the game. Prim hugs me then Katniss, and Katniss' mother who until now had not spoken bids us good night and goes up the stairs with a triumphantly Prim.

We are left there all alone, staring into the fire. I feel Gales yes burning to the side of my head, measuring and calculating how long he would have to stay until I leave. After almost an hour of silence I give up, there is nothing to be gained from making myself uncomfortable. Or Katniss, who sits anxiously between the two of us. "It's getting king of late, I think I'm going to go back home now, thank you so much for inviting me to dinner Katniss. I appreciate it." I smile at her warmly and she returns the gesture. I get up slowly and give my farewell to Gale who sits with a triumphant expression spread across his face. I'm about to leave when I decide to do it. "Oh Katniss I forgot to tell you when I got here." I lean down a little so that my face is closer to her. "I remember." I smile at her then Gale. "Good night."

As I stand straight I see her face become incredibly red. Gale, who cannot possibly comprehend what my parting words mean, stares perplexed at her complexion.


	7. News

**Aaaaah Finally an update! Shheeeboom its been a long time. Sorry for the delay but I have been having major problems with procrastination of all kinds... its very bad but I have let my time management go straight to hell! Anyway I just had to update because if not my head was going to pop. So its a bit rushed so please forgive my super grammar. I've mentioned before that I have the super power of atrocious grammar right? Well I do. Anyway here is chapter seven. Also Major plot point. SO yeah Say what!.. Anyway thank you so much for reading folks, and as always any reviews are truly appreciated. =D. Quick Question...does anyone actually read this? lol.**

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><p>Chapter 7: News<p>

**Peeta POV:**

I don't know what I expected right after I said that to her. Maybe Gale would get some sort of fit, he always seems calm and collected but I can tell he's an angry person. I don't completely blame him, his situation has been less than pleasant, but then again no one in our district had it good. I'm half way to my house and my blood is still pumping. Her face was so red. Was that a good thing or was she ashamed? I don't know but for some reason, telling her made my heart race.

I see his confused expression in my head. It fills my heart with a triumphant pride. He may have the woods with Katniss, and he may have intruded into the world that I felt I shared with her, but he can never destroy the words that she told me.

I reach my house minutes later and immediately head to the study; I have to use this energy somehow.

**Katniss POV:**

After Peeta left I became very aware of Gale's presence. His eyes were fixated on my face but I had no way of hiding my reddened complexion.

"What did he say to you?" he says curiously, but I know I can't answer, that wouldn't do anything for the situation but make it worse. In this moment I wish for nothing more than that comfortable silence we've always managed to achieve…but I know I can't rely on that now.

"Nothing…just something I told him before." It's not a lie and I hope that it is enough for him. "Oh ok." I nod happily but my face still feels hot. I face the fire and try to recreate that comfortable silence we used to share. It works for a few moments; I don't really feel awkward being next to him. But my mind travels. Peeta remembered everything. Why did he have to tell me now? I try to sort out how I feel about what he told me. He remembers, I guess a part of me wanted him to remember and that part is very glad he did. Yet what does that mean about our friendship, he doesn't remember just a kiss but the fact that I kissed him that night, multiple times. I made sure he knew that I wasn't the one kissing Gale. At least he was asleep when I said he was a better kisser. But what if he wasn't, what if he just shut his eyes.

Suddenly I feel very aware of Gale once again. "What's so funny?" he says lightly but I can feel the tension in his voice.

"Huh? What's funny?" I say stepping out of my own thoughts into complete confusion.

"You're smiling, remembered something funny?" His tone isn't light anymore, it is now fully clad in concern. "Am I smiling?" I wasn't aware at first but my lips are decorated with a small grin. "Yeah…" his voice is very cold. "I guess I'm just tired." I say as I stand up. "It's kind of late." He hesitates for a moment before standing up. "Yeah, I have to get back too." His voice laced with disappointment. We say our goodbyes and I head for my bed, but sleep doesn't come for several hours. Peeta, his lips, and his words resonate in my mind endlessly.

Tomorrow I'm going to ask him exactly what he remembers.

**Peeta POV:**

Even though I only had a few hours of sleep I woke surprisingly energized. The painting that sits in the study, would Katniss like it? Maybe not. Maybe she would want to destroy any evidence, if you could call it that.

I feel like a different man, I know the situation hasn't changed, she's still with Gale, but that night gave me something. Hope? I know I shouldn't rely on that hope, in this "new" world Katniss isn't tied to me by the government, but at least before it kills me it will give me a moment of happiness.

I'm in the middle of slicing some bread when I hear some faint knocks. I rush to the door, in the back of my mind I know the only person that would visit me is Katniss. I pause before opening the door to gain some composure. When I open the door the back of her head greets me. "Katniss?" I says slowly. She was leaving? A piece of my hope crumbles away; I guess I'm sober enough for her to regret it. She turns around and I can see how tense her body is. "You ok?" she manages a nervous smile.

"Can I come in?" I lead her into my kitchen. "Have you eaten anything yet?" she shakes her head.

"Want some breakfast? Nothing fancy, just some bread and fruits, oh and I have some peppermint tea. Sound good?" she makes no noticeable gestures so I assume that means she's hungry. We don't talk while I prepare food, but I look at her every once in a while. She's comfortably dressed, not in sleep wear, but I still get the feeling that she just woke up. Her hair hangs in a neat braid to her side. She scopes the room over and over, but I know it's due to anxiety our houses have identical layouts except for the individual furniture placement. And even that is pretty similar. I say nothing, scared to push her over the edge and causing her to leave. Instead I sneak peeks at her; it's the little things that I find most beautiful about her. Maybe things other people wouldn't notice. I take in her "seam" eyes and treasure them as rare jewels, the olive tone of her skin like the most beautiful of sunsets. I shy my own eyes away every time she takes notice of them.

Her hands are lightly calloused, much more than mine, she's had to work for her survival, but none of that has taken from her beauty. I wonder why?

"It's not much." I say while I carry the plates of food to counter. "I don't' know what you normally have for breakfast, I hope this is enough." She looks at the plate decorated with some simple foods, some slices of bread with a soft goat cheese, some berries I kept refrigerated, some nuts and some slices of orange. "No it's great." She looks at the orange for a minute before speaking again. "I haven't had an orange since we were in the train." I was saving it, but I knew she'd like it.

"Yeah, they came in the supply trains, didn't your mom get any?" she nods. "I've been hunting pretty regularly so really she hasn't been taking too much from the supply trains. She says that there is no point on taking just to have excess when there are others in the town that are getting fresh food for the first time in their lives." For some reason it makes me happy to hear that. I saw the over indulgence in the capitol, how they stuffed themselves like pigs just because they could. I guess all Everdeen women have amazing qualities of some sort.

"That makes sense I guess." We eat slowly, pausing often to continue our relaxed small talk. Mainly we discuss the changes we've noticed on the town, some are subtle but others are pretty amazing. The hob, for example, has been legalized, a lot of the town's people still don't go, fear and paranoia doesn't fade easily, but Katniss says she's noticed some new faces. The supply trains bring most of what people need, but it still flourishes as a place to trade, and other things like liquor don't come in the supply trains, after all they aren't a necessity, that is, with Haymitch being the exception.

"Have you spoken to Haymitch lately?" I ask hesitantly, I still don't know if any details related to that night are taboo topics between us. "No!" she says bitterly. "OK." I say meekly, unwilling to delve any further into the delicate matter.

"That's sort why I'm here." She says softly, intentionally avoiding my eyes. "You're here because of Haymitch?" It's stupid to say that, I know she isn't here because of Haymitch, though he was the catalyst for that night. "No…I'm here to know…when you said you remembered. What exactly did you remember?"

I swallow hard, I didn't think she would be so direct, especially so soon. "Are you sure you want to talk about it?" she nods resolutely and I take a deep breath. "When I woke up I remembered a kiss…but I was scared that it was me or maybe that it didn't happen, so I didn't say anything. Can I ask you a question." She doesn't answer but I push forward. "When you kissed me was it just out of pity?" I see the blood invade her skin.

"No…"

"Then why did you kiss me?" she doesn't answer. "Do you regret it? After all I wasn't suppose to remember right?" I think I see hints of a smile reach her lips. "But you did." I try to decipher what she means but I don't quite understand it. "Yes I did."

She gets up "do you remember anything else?" this sparks some curiosity in me. I remember the night clearly, and now I know that she was for a fact the one that kissed me. What don't I remember? Could she mean what she said about Gale being the one that kissed her? No, that can't be it. "Is there anything else I should remember?" she thinks about it for a minute. "No, nothing." She smiles and starts to head for the door. "Thank you for breakfast, it was great," right before she is out the door she says "You'll still come tonight right?" I smile at her. "I still have to beat Prim at chess don't I?" she gives me a warm smile before she leaves.

**Katniss POV:**

After my breakfast with Peeta I head home to change. For some reason today I feel like I want to hunt again. I shower and put on my gear. I wonder if I'll see Gale. Last night didn't end on a negative note for us but I know that he wants something more for us. Why can't our friendship be enough? Is it enough? I think it is for me. But maybe it's because I've never considered it, not until I felt that awkwardness in the games, that awareness that he could have been watching. But there were times that I didn't care, when Peeta took care of me, that kiss was different. Suddenly my mind jumps to that last night on the train, when he first "freed" me. The sensation of Peeta's lips on mine was electric. I hadn't ever felt something like that before, the passion I felt as I ran my fingers through his hair, the raw feelings that surged through my as I dug my fingernails into his back. Even the emptiness I felt when he walked away and emptiness I haven't yet being able to fill. It's too confusing to think about.

It isn't until I stumble on a root that I realize that I'm in the woods. I focus on the task at hand and reach Gale and my meeting spot. "Hey…" I hear his voice from behind me. "Hi" I say before turning around. Hunting always brings some sense of normalcy into our relationship. We spend a couple of hours hunting, foraging and fishing. Normal.

On our way back I pass by Gales house. He had told me that his family had been doing well now that food wasn't scarce but it was something I wanted to see for myself. It had just been over a week and they already looked healthier. I give my regards to Hazelle, who acts strangely awkward around me, and leave with Gale to my house. Once again it felt strange that he came, but I wasn't one to complain.

We're approaching my house, when I see Peeta struggling to carry his television. I stare at him for a moment wondering why he was carrying to the trash. I see Gale suddenly stop short. "Katniss look at his arm!" he says alarmed. It takes me a few moments to react but when I look at Peeta closely I notice the bright red color dripping from his arm. "Peeta!" I shout as I run to him. The actual amount of blood is sickening. I look at his face and I see a flurry of rage and sadness. "Peeta what happened?"I say, my voice nearing a shout, as I pull him towards my house.

"It's the same Katniss, this shit is never going to change. They're just as sick as that monster!" the look in his face is terrifying. I set him down on the kitchen counter with his arm stretched over the sink.

"PRIM! MOM!" I shout at the top of my lungs. An alarmed Prim emerges from the living room, the second she sees the blood she reacts. My mother reaches the room after but is just as quick to react. They take out bandages and salves, and antibiotics, and before I know I have to step out of the way as they work. They are silent though. "Did you see!" he says to them "How can they that!"

After the washing and the bandaging is done. They sit around the counter. Not one of their eyes lifted from the smooth surface. Gale stands behind me just as confused. I look at Peeta face, the rage is gone, and he just seems defeated. "Peeta?" I barely manage to gasp out.

"They're just as bad Katniss." The frustration in his face is enough to bring me to tears. "What happened Peeta, tell me?"

"They're bringing them back Katniss. They're going to have the Games again!" I stare around the room, jumping from face to face hoping that its some sick joke he's playing on me. It isn't until I see Prim's sad eyes that I realize that this is real.


	8. Games

So...short-ish chapter But i think some good things happen lol. Anyway I wanted to thank the anonymous reviewers, I normally message back to thank the reviewers but since i can't message you guys I'll thank you here...THANK YOU =D. PS: STILL LOVE REVIEWS

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><p>Chapter 8: Games<p>

**Katniss POV:**

The room is rapidly spinning and that sickening nausea that I felt when Effie called up Prim's name. "No… Why…Peeta." My eyes dart across the room, I don't know what I'm looking for but my body just can't stand still. Peeta just stares at the counter his face bright red with rage. Prim's sad expression remains constant. My mother busies herself with returning all the medical supplies to their proper place.

My body can't keep up with my brain, so many shadows are reemerging. I see Rue, curled in the floor; I see a bloodied, mutilated Cato, and a deformed Glimmer. Why would they do this, they who brought down the Capitol? I take hold of Peeta's hands and lead him out of the kitchen. Without realizing what I'm doing I lead him out of my house and into his. I sit him in the couch in his living room. I start a small flame in the fireplace to dispel the crippling cold that plagues his empty house. I settle next to Peeta unsure of what to say. My entire world is in disarray and he's the only other person who knows how I feel.

"When are they doing the reaping?" I manage to whisper breathlessly. "In a month, but it's not what you think Katniss."

"What do you mean?" he looks at me with a weak smile on his face. "She's safe Katniss, Prim is safe she can't be chosen for this because…because they are going to use only Capitol children."

My body relaxes slightly, but only momentarily. The idea of it just being Capitol children sickens me. "She's safe?" I ask him again, scared that I heard him wrong. "Yeah Katniss she's safe…"

"But they're still no better. Those kids…they didn't do anything wrong either. You should have seen the report. That woman was so cold."

"Woman?" I ask curiously. "President Coin…" he says with disdain in his voice. "It seems she was the head of the rebellion so she naturally took hold of the country. She's just another monster that rose to power. You should have seen her Katniss, she spoke without emotion. She wasn't any different Katniss; her eyes were so much like his." His voice is shaky and he clenches his fists, causing his bandages to become bloodied once again. I take his hands in mine. "Stop ok…look what you're doing to your bandages. How did this happen." I say as I pass my hands softly on top of the bandages.

"When I saw the report…I didn't know what to do with myself." He looks away and blush a little. "It's stupid…I just I lost it, I punched the television. But the glass nicked my arm." I looked at him surprised; I forget that even Peeta's controlled temperament has its limits. "Does it hurt?" he shakes his head. "Not right now, Prim and your mother are amazing aren't they?" I nod.

"When I was watching the report…she mentioned the games and I just thought of Prim…Katniss even if it's not her…those kids, why would they keep that hell…how is that justice." His words bring tears to my eyes. "I know Peeta, I know." For the first time I see his composure falter. I pull his head into my chest.

We stay like that for a while, his breath on my chest is calming. I take his hair in my fingers and for a minute I remember the kiss on the train.

"Peeta?" he looks up at me. "I don't' want to see it again. I just can't." he nods confidently. "We don't have to."

"Ok" I say and lean in for a kiss.

**Peeta POV:**

I feel my heart beating faster and my hands becoming clammier. I see her face moving closer to me and I reciprocate the gesture. I've wanted this to happen so much since the train, to be honest I didn't really feel that it counted that night I was drunk, it felt more like she did it to shut me up. Maybe she did. It doesn't matter though, all I can think of is right now.

My senses seem to be superhuman at the moment, her motions are slow, her sent is aromatic, all the colors of her being are jumping at me, pleasuring my mind. I feel her breath, staggered, as it reaches my lips, but right before they meet her eyes twist in confusion. My euphoria comes crashing down as she pulls away sharply. All I can do to hide my disappointment is look away. The comfort of her arms around me fades and becomes awkward.

"I'm sorr—"

"Don't…" I interrupt her sharply. "Let's just not talk about it ok."

I meet her eyes shyly and she nods. Instead we sit side by side in silence, taking comfort in knowing that we are both equally lost.

"What does she look like?" she says, the sound of her voice picking a bit of momentum. "President Coin I mean."

"She must be in her fifty's I think, she has this silver hair that falls neatly down to the top of her shoulders. But her face, I can't really say much, she's expressionless to me…maybe not expressionless but cold. Like if she's calculating everything." I look to see if she understands me and I see she's nodding.

"She was the one that decided on the games?"

"I'm not sure, she didn't really specify, and I doubt she would take the credit. I don't think most will approve. But at this point I don't think we have a choice." I feel a rough dryness on my throat. "You want something to drink?"

She rubs her throat slightly and nods. I guess the news affected her the same way. Or maybe it was our near kiss.

"Orange juice fine?" I say as I start to rise and head to the kitchen. I don't hear a response, but I've learned to understand her silence. In the kitchen I fill to glasses half way with orange juice. I struggle to carry the second glass though; I've become terribly aware of the cuts in my arm. The bandages on my knuckles become lightly bloodied. When I hand Katniss the glass she takes notice of my hand. "You really punched the television?" her question makes me chuckle for some reason. "Yeah…I did" I don't know if it's the pain in my hand or the awkwardness of the situation but I just laugh. Katniss looks at me with a questioning look. But I don't say anything I just laugh. "What?" she says, a smile spreading on her face? I still don't answer; the laughter is growing, wracking my body and causing me to collapse. I sit off the couch and settle on the floor. The smile that sprouted on her lips expands to a blooming grin. "Peeta what is it…" her voice shakes, making me laugh harder, my body falling on the floor. "Wh—" she can't hold it in anymore and she just begins to laugh wildly along with me.

For minutes we just laugh. When I can no longer breathe it finally subsides. I lay flat on the floor and look up at the couch to see her body collapsed on the couch, her arms draping off the edge to the floor. All laughter subsides.

"You and Gale…" I say, causing my heartbeat to quicken, I know I shouldn't ask, especially after all that is going on, but I refuse to let the moment we just had go. "Are you still together?" her expression becomes serious.

"Is this about that night? I told you he kissed me." I smile at her. "That still doesn't answer my question."

I see a small amount of frustration decorate her face. "Why are you asking me Peeta." Her voice sounds pained. "Why did you pull away? Him right?" She takes a deep breath. "I'm sorry you don't really have to answer. It's just me being selfish I guess." I say scared that my boldness will push her away.

"We're not together…me and Gale. We never really have been." I move my body back and lean against the couch allowing my head to drape backwards and rest near hers on the couch. I stare at the ceiling. "Still, I always felt guilty when I was with you, on camera I mean." I start to regret my question.

"He told me he loves me…" I feel her eyes on the side of my head; I turn to meet her gaze. "I figured." I say, a feeling of terror spreading through my body. "I think I knew too, at least once we got back from the games, he acted different towards me."

"Then why aren't you with him?" her expression twists into something I can't quite recognize, I imagine my face must be twisting in a similar manner. "Do you want me to?" I don't answer. "I love him too, he's really important to me." Her words burn through me. "Yeah…I figured that too." I start to shift my head, trying to break eye contact but she places her hands on my face, effectively stopping me. "Don't do that…I…he's like my brother, he's someone that has been my support for so long."

"Where does that leave me?" I feel strange being so direct with her. "I don't know…" she doesn't move her hands from my face. "When he kissed me…" she pauses to collect her thoughts. "It doesn't feel right." I feel a nervous wave bubbling in my gut. "What about with me?" she blushes. "You asked me something similar when you were drunk." She says, removing her hand from my face and shifting hers. I place my hand on her face preventing her from doing so. "I don't remember that." She smiles awkwardly, "that's because you were asleep when I answered."

"So tell me now…" her eyes shift nervously towards the ceiling. I turn around and get on my knees so I can position my face over hers. I look deeply into her nervous eyes and they calm down. I inch down towards her face, giving her enough time to pull away if she felt the need to. She doesn't, she just stares into my eyes. I stop just millimeters from her lips, giving her the final chance to pull away. When she doesn't I settle my lips gently on top of hers. The feeling is amazing, it always is for me. The warmth of her lips is more than satisfying. Her hands slowly travel to my face, and for a moment I'm scared that she will push me away. But she doesn't, she cups my cheeks.

It takes all my will not to lose control. I take her bottom lip in between mine and caress them gently. She does the same to my upper lip. My hands feel incredibly bold, but I know they don't have permission to be, instead I settle them on her face, pulling away for only a second to gather air.

Her intensity increases, she entwines her hands in my hair pulling it painfully but the feeling is still exhilarating. I feel the pull of her hands as she drags my body down towards hers. At first I'm scared that I'm misunderstanding her, but when she pulls the back of my shirt towards her I gain confidence.

Reluctantly I start to climb on the couch, careful not to lose balance due to my prosthetic leg, and fearful that maybe this is something we'll regret. My body is hovering on top of hers and I feel my lips throbbing. The heat of her body is comforting, beckoning me to explore it. She kisses my neck, sending a warm wave down my spine. I let out a staggered sigh. Her hands travel across my back, digging roughly into it every time my lips meet hers. Our bodies gain momentum together, swaying and swooning. I can't believe this is happening; the last we shared something this intense was in my sweetest dreams.

It escalates dangerously fast, soft kisses turn into rough passionate ones, shy hands grow bold. When her hands reach the buttons of my shirt, it snaps me out of the haze. I place my forehead against hers. "Katniss" I whisper softly. She looks into my eyes, hers clouded with passion. "Stop" she looks at me disappointedly and I curse myself internally for stopping a moment like this. "Why? Is something wrong?" I let out a breathy chuckle. "No, it's perfect…but it's not right."

"Why?" she says again, this time worry lacing her voice. "I told you I'm not with Gale." I hold back a smile. "I just want a moment like this to be when you have a clear head ok. A lot has happened; I want you to be sure." She nods reluctantly. "Come to dinner ok?" I smile, and before I answer he pulls me in for a soft kiss. "Don't be late." I nod again, the ecstasy diffusing from my lips into my brain.

I watch her as she slowly rises from the couch and walks to the door, before leaving she gives me a look that lulls me into a soft kiss. "Are you going to regret this later?" I ask her. "I don't think so." She says playfully. I smile and close the door softly as she leaves, walk to the couch and collapse from happiness. I'm going to have to make amazing bread today.

**Katniss POV: **

As I walk to my house I can't help but smile, my lips are still tingling, my legs feel weak, and my heart is racing.

"Katniss?" I hear Prim's soft voice the second I enter the house. "Yeah!" I yell shakily. Prim peaks out of the kitchen. "Hey…how are you feeling."

"Good." I say much to quickly and with a smile on my face. She gives me a concerned look. "And Peeta?"

"He's fine too, why…." I realize what she means and quickly answer. "Oh yeah, he might need you guys to replace his bandages, he started to bleed a little."

"Is he going to eat here today?" I smile to myself. "Yeah. I told him to." Suddenly a thought crosses my mind. Do they mind having him here? "Prim?" she meets my eyes. "Do you mind having Peeta here for dinner so often?" she shakes her head. "Not me, I like Peeta." I'm glad to hear that but I had another person in mind. "Do you think mom minds?" Prim shakes her head smiling. "No, she likes him too actually. She said he's good company." I fail to hold back my smile. "Oh that good to hear."

Prim nods, but gives me a quizzical look. "Oh I before I forget, Gale left but he said he'd come back later to check up on you. I think he might be coming to dinner." The smile falls from my face. A new thought surges through my brain, will this undo the progress I just made with Peeta?


	9. Worlds

**So I've been trying to update for like a Day and this wouldn't let me. I had to edit an old file to put the story...What a freaking mission. So anyway LONG CHAPTER. And I'm not sure how I feel about it because some parts that i felt stood out to much without flow. anyway here is the next chapter... review and i make happy noises**

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><p>Chapter 9: Worlds<p>

**Katniss POV:**

Once again I'm nervous before dinner.

I'm hoping desperately that Gale arrives late or maybe not at all so I can properly prepare Peeta. Is it selfish, I don't think so, what happened today was amazing. I try to rationalize it in my head, to try and understand what it means, place a label of sorts on the situation but I don't know what it is yet. All I know is that the feeling was thrilling. It was a hunger I never knew I had, one that seemed insatiable.

The first knock on the door sends chills down my spine. Peeta! I chant to myself. Let it be Peeta!

I open the door and his grey eyes lock on mine. "Hey, how are you feeling." His mood seems elevated somehow. "Yeah, I'm fine now." He smiles gently as I invite him in. For some reason I feel obligated to invite him for dinner and the feeling awakens some guilt. He's my best friend, my oldest, dearest and closest friend, and I feel obligated. Shouldn't I feel happy that he's here? Despite my inner turmoil I smile graciously when he accepts my offer, if I learned something in the games it's how to paint on a happy face.

"You were gone for a while, I waited for you…" his voice has a shyness that isn't normal for him.

"Yeah I just needed to talk, Peeta told me about the report." I see a light in his eyes, but I can't quite figure out why. "Did you get the details." My blood boils just thinking of the report. "Yeah I did." He says quickly.

We drop all talk of the future games, and I make no effort to even use it as a conversation starter. Peeta arrives nearly half an hour after Gale did. And while Gale's signature jaw muscles tighten Peeta's mood doesn't falter. At the first chance I get to be alone with him I tell him, "I didn't know he was coming…ok?" he smiles. "Any regrets?" he bites his lower lip. "None yet!" I tell him playfully.

During dinner I can't take my eyes off of him either. His energy is vibrant and revitalizing. He thanks Prim and my mother for the medical attention and even offers to help clean up as signs of gratitude.

After dinner Prim, Gale, and I go to the living room while my mother and Peeta stay behind and clean up. Prim's words run through my head inciting a small smile. I'm glad they like him.

Gale relaxes after a while, even if he's feeling sour about Peeta's presence he can't deny that Peeta is pleasant company, especially when he is in such a happy mood. Minutes later my mother and Peeta emerge from the kitchen; it seems she replaced his bandages after they cleaned up. Peeta is thanking her for the care while she thanks him for the bread.

As usual Peeta and Prim strike up their chess match; I take up a conversation with Gale and my mother talk about his family. I'm glad to hear that Hazelle and his siblings are doing well. "Things are so much better since the rebels acted" he says happily. I notice that Peeta's concentration falters when Gale mentions the rebels, though he quickly returns to his heated game.

"Finally!" Peeta says triumphantly. "There I beat you, just like I said I would." Prim laughs. "Finally…took you long enough... Don't get cocky though, I'll beat you tomorrow." He grins at her and messes with her hair, causing her to laugh even harder. "I'll be ready then." He smiles and they settle on the floor to join our conversation.

We talk for about an hour before Prim gets up hugs me and gives Peeta a kiss on the cheek. "Good night" she says happily and goes to her room. My mother follows suit not long after.

Like before the three of us are left alone, locked in an awkward silence. Gale is the first to speak.

"You want to go hunting tomorrow." The question is friendly enough, but the way he goes about telling me is as if Peeta weren't in the room. I nod and smile, but I flash a look to see if his attitude has changed. He remains cheerful.

All in all our conversation goes well, Peeta adds here and there as does Gale, but this time Gale's comments don't seem to faze Peeta. "You seem to be in a better mood." Says Gale in a "friendly" tone.

I flash Peeta a concerned look; I don't want him revealing anything. Even though I don't really think he would purposely. My glare seems to put a small dent in his energy but he quickly recuperates. "I tell you those Everdeen girls can do wonders." He passes his hands over his bandage and Gale nods in agreement of their medical expertise. The real meaning of his message was lost on Gale but not on me. I blush.

Our conversation develops, we talk about the town, Peeta tells me a little about the condition of his family, they have been getting new business now that the families in town have been getting financial support.

Gale has been very in tuned with the condition of the government. It seems that the conditions are becoming stable, funding to the districts has been redistributed, and almost everyone is prospering, that is except for the Capitol citizens. Games aside, they have to get used to a life with less conveniences now that the supplies are being distributed equally between all the districts and they aren't as readily available as they would like them to be.

All in all he's pretty happy with the conditions and decisions made by the new government. I take a glance at Peeta and notice that his body has become very tense, his fists are clenched tightly into fists on his side and his face has taken a stoic quality. Gale continues oblivious to the fact. He talks about the new conditions that are being implemented to the mines and other trades in the districts. He talks about how the new curriculum for the schools will soon be implemented, the hospitals that are being opened in the districts. It all sounds beautiful, utopian even, but the problem is that he doesn't seem in anyway bothered by the fact that this new perfect government is murdering 23 innocent children, just for revenge.

Suddenly Peeta stands abruptly. "Katniss I'm going to go…It's getting late." He flashes Gale a bitter look. "Good night." He says, and then walks away; he barely gives me time to react. "I'll be right back." I say to Gale as I dash out of the room to reach Peeta.

I tap his shoulder and we walk outside of my house. "Are you alright?" he shakes his head. "I'm fine Katniss." I know he's not. "Then why are you leaving?" He stands close to me and kisses me in the cheek. "Because it's all I can do not to punch him in the face!" He turns to walk away but I grab hold his wrist before he's able to. He winces in pain, I grabbed his injured arm. "Damn" I say, "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to." He sighs. "I know Katniss, I'm fine, really. It's just he…seems so unaffected by the news." He comes close and kisses me softly, warming my entire body in the cold night air.

Seconds later I realize where we are. "Not here…" I say in an alarmed whisper. His eyes sadden momentarily. "I know, I'm sorry…Good night Katniss." With that he turns definitively and leaves. I touch my lips, the feeling of his soft lips on mine lingers. Was I right to push him away? Gale could have seen. Should it matter to me? I walk inside once the cold invades my body again. First I push him too far and now I'm just pushing him away. What if it becomes too much?

"Are you ok?" says Gale with a concerned look on his face. I nod. I hadn't even realized I was sitting down on the couch. He attempts to make some small talk but I'm too deep in thought to properly respond.

In my head Peeta's words swim, "He seems so unaffected by the news." Could Gale really not mind? Of course not, he HAS to mind, he knows just how horrible the games are.

"Gale?" he looks at me. "What do you think about the new games?" he takes a moment to think it through. "Honestly I think it's great. Finally, those bastards will get a taste of their own medicine. "

His words are like daggers in my heart. Who is he? How could he possibly wish that hell on anyone? I'm fully at a loss for words. I'm not angry, I'm not sad, I'm just dumbfounded.

"Hey I'm kind of tired, I'm going to go to bed ok?" he looks at me disappointed but agrees, he kisses me on the cheek, sending a chill down my spine. "Good night Gale." He leaves, I walk to my room, lay flat on my bed and stare at the ceiling restlessly before finally falling asleep.

**Peeta POV:**

I wake up groggily, my night was restless. I trudge into my bathroom and clean up then down the stairs and into my kitchen. I don't have to watch, and it's a month away, something like that doesn't have to be a part of my life. I tell myself over and over but I just can't shake the image of a bloody cornucopia, all in the name of "Justice"? "Hypocrites!" I nearly yell.

I sit on stool in the kitchen island and take a deep breath. There is a soft knocking on the door, and I rush to it eagerly, there is only one person that would come to my house at 8 in the morning, and she's the only person I really want to see right now. I open the door and immediately see Katniss, covered in the jacket she borrowed nearly two weeks ago. It cheers me up.

"You remembered to wear a jacket this time." She gives me a sour face. "You remembered to wear clothes." She says and smiles triumphantly. "Can I come in?" I make way for her. "Yeah, please."

We walk into the kitchen. "I was about to make breakfast. Hungry?" she nods in silence.

I scavenge a small breakfast, fruits, nuts, some cheese, and some crescent shaped breads I made yesterday night when I couldn't sleep. "Orange juice ok? Or would you prefer milk?"

"Orange juice please, I didn't really get to have any yesterday." Images of her body under mine, reacting to my touch flash in my head. My mood is infinitely better just by having her here.

We eat silently, but it's enough, at least for me.

"How are you feeling?" she says softly. "I'm fine; I just decided not to think about it." She nods in agreement. For a moment I feel she's about to tell me something, but she hesitates.

"Everything ok?" I ask, thought I don't expect a response. "Yeah." She smiles and I drop the topic, I know Katniss well enough to know that pushing her for information never has a positive result.

"You're going hunting today right?" I ask, trying to change the topic. "Yeah…" she says somberly.

"You don't sound very excited, tired of killing small animals on a daily basis?" she laughs weakly. "I was just kidding." I say nervously second guessing my previous statement. Maybe the word killing is in bad taste considering the resent turn of events. "No, it's still better than playing with dough every day." She smiles genuinely but quickly returns to her somber mood.

"Still want to take those lessons?" her offer catches me way off guard. I'm not sure I want to step so readily into their world. Not to mention that I'm not the best hunting partner, and she knows that. "Me hunt? You remember how loud I was BEFORE I got my prosthetic leg right?" she laughs a little. "Anyway aren't you going with Gale today? I don't' want to get in the way of a serious session or anything."

"You won't" she says quickly. "We don't really hunt because we need anymore, food isn't really a problem right now. You won't be disrupting anything important." I feel pressured to agree so I reluctantly accept her offer. This seems to cheer her up and for now that's more than I could hope for.

"So I'll go get ready, just meet me in my house, dress comfortably but remember its cold." I nod and she makes her way to the door. I lean on the door and say, "Are you sure you want me there?" she gives me a small kiss. "I need you there."

I hurry to my room and change clothes, I take a thick wool jacket, and some winter slacks. I find a pair of boots and dash towards her house.

**Katnisss POV:**

Peeta meets me nervously outside my house. "Ready?" I ask him. "Yeah I think so."

I know why he's nervous, I'm nervous about it too; guilty more like it, taking him into the forest just because I don't want to face Gale seems like a selfish thing to do. We walk silently side by side to the edge of town. It's always strange walking to the fence with someone, after all this was always something I tried to do in secret. Though with Peeta it's strangely calming. "Have you ever been this far out of town?" I ask lightly. "Not really. This is going to be the first time…I'm kind of nervous." I smile to myself, his nerves endearing, though I'm nervous myself. "Don't be."

We reach the fence and I instinctively listen for the electric noise. The noise shouldn't be there, but then again the games should exist anymore either. It's safe non-the-less so I lead him under the fence and take him to the spot where I meet Gale. "Let's sit here, we'll wait for Gale." I sit on a log and pat the spot next to me.

We wait silently for Gale, but after a while the cold weather gets to me. As he notices my restless shivers he speaks. "Cold?" I nod. "Yeah, it's the humidity. And sitting here isn't helping."

He slides closer to me and wraps his arms around me. "Shouldn't he be arriving soon?" I push myself even closer to him, stealing with warmth. "He will eventually I guess." I can see he's unsure of how to act, feeling alien in the environment. I consider kissing him when I hear a twig snap.

I shift my eyes quickly and find Gale, walking silently towards us, with a self deprecating look. No doubt for giving his location away, he's normally very quiet.

Before I say anything both men react. Peeta pulls away from me and gives me an apologetic look. Gale on the other hand takes the offensive. "What's he doing here?" He jerks his head towards Peeta. "I'm going to teach him to hunt." I say defensively. Gale scoffs. "This isn't a bakery you know." He says to Peeta.

"I noticed." Peeta says laughing. But I can hear the tension in his voice. Self control is something he's never struggled with, but I know he has his limits.

I interject their exchange and suggest we start to hunt before it gets too late. The entire day is a disaster, Peeta is atrociously loud and scares off almost all the game this in turn puts Gale in foul mood, which he deals with by making sharp comments to Peeta. Peeta holds his tongue as much as possible, no doubt for my benefit, but I can see his patience running thin. Every once in a while I would flash him an apologetic look, but after a while he became incredibly cold towards me. I couldn't really blame him, "I need you there" I might as well have twisted his arm and forced him to come.

Gale catches a rabbit that took long to react to Peeta's involuntary warnings. It was a good catch, the rabbit was relatively large, it was probably complacent due to its size.

"Finally!" Gale fumes. Peeta congratulates Gale on his capture, but this instead sours him mood even more. "Not really!" he says sharply. "But I guess it seems like an accomplishment when the most you've had to do for fresh food was reach into a bread basket."

"Hey just what the hell is your problem!" Peeta retorts. "And what the hell do you think you know about me!"

This catches Gale off guard momentary, until now he's only seen Peeta's controlled side. He shifts nervously for a second then regains his stance. "You don't belong here! You can't even walk around without scaring away the game. In fact why ARE you even here? Shouldn't you be frosting some cake while the rest of us die of hunger!"

Peeta laughs cynically. "Well you don't have to worry about that anymore. Now you can stuff your face while you enjoy the show right?" Gales face twists in confusion. It takes me a few seconds to understand Peeta's meaning. He gives me a dirty look and starts to walk away.

"What's your problem!" I say to Gale angrily.

"Why did you bring him Katniss, he's not a hunter, he's not even from the seam. This is our place not his!" I don't acknowledge his question.

"What the hell does it matter if he's not from the seam?" I reply irritably.

"You've seen him Katniss! He can't even keep his damn feet from stomping around. He's just some spoiled merchant kid, he doesn't even know what the hell it is to struggle." I'm taken aback by his statement. Gale has always ranted about the government and the merchants but I learned to tune it out. It always seems to surprise me how skewed his views are. Maybe I was like that before, but I know it's not the truth, Peeta may not have had to struggle to find food, but it didn't mean he had it easy. I can't imagine having nothing but stale bread. I scoff at Gale and walk away.

"Where are you going!" he yells angrily at me. I trip from the surprise. "I'm leaving!" I say sharply, and start to follow Peeta's trail.

**Peeta POV:**

My nostrils are flaring. I don't think I've ever been this angry. Why the hell did I come? I knew this was a stupid idea. I hear my own feet, stomping messily around, and it sets me off even more. I'm angry at Gale, Katniss, myself, the incomplete parts of myself… I've never felt so aware of my prosthetic leg. I pick up my pace causing a louder ruckus.

Damn it. I can't live this. Every feeling I have, from good to bad, is dependent on Katniss, on how she's decided to fiddle with my life that day. I curse myself for being so weak. Isn't it always like this with her? We make some minor progress and I weave myself some impossible dream. "Where's that damn fence!" I say out from frustration.

"You're going the wrong way…" I turn around surprised and see Katniss, catching her breath. I don't answer her. I don't even want to see her right now.

I turn around and keep walking.

"Peeta wait." I don't. "Please." Her voice cracks… so does my determination. I stop where I am but I don't face her.

"I'm sorry, you have all the right to be mad at me. I'm sorry I didn't think this would happen." Of course she didn't, when does she ever consider anything beyond the scope of her own life?

"I'm tired Katniss…" I hear her soft footsteps approaching me. "Aren't you? Tired of this?"

I hear leaves rustle when she stops, only a few feet away from me. "What are you saying?" her voice cracks again. I don't speak. "Peeta?" her voice is almost pleading. I still don't speak. "Don't say that ok. Let's just get out of here." I feel her warmth as she wraps her arms around my waist hand her head pressed against the back of my neck. "Come on? Let's go ok?"

I don't know what to do, I want to just walk away but I can't, this girl is the only thing in my life that matters. I turn around and face her small frame. "Katn—" she presses her lips against mine, sending an intense sensation through my body. It melts my worries, my doubts, the feelings of anger and angst. "Stop. Let's just get out of here ok?" I nod breathlessly. My body feels light and warm.

She weaves her fingers in mine and squeezes my hand. "Come one, I'll lead so you don't get lost."

Her attempt to lighten the mood is sweet, and I relish the sensation of her skin on mine. We walk hand in hand all the way to Victors village, though I feel her grip falter as we get closer to my house. Luckily no one we recognized saw us so not once did we separate. As we walk in I feel something bubbling inside me. Something like confidence, but the logical side of me tells me otherwise. This is just sheer stupidity.

"Katniss" I say the second I close the door. She looks at me and smiles. "I need to say something…" her smiles settles.

"I don't want you to say anything because I don't want you to say something you'll regret. I just want you to listen." She nods slowly enveloped in a nervous air. I take a deep breath. "I…I love you." She looks at me tentatively. "And I know you know that, even if all of Paneem thought that it was an act you know that I wasn't acting, I love you so much. I need to know you know that. So just don't say anything ok. I don't expect anything from you."

"Pee—" I place my finger softly on her lips. "Don't…please…" She kisses me. "Ok…spend the day with me." She kisses me again, this time with more intensity.

"What would we do all day?" I say. Her kisses deepen and her hands wrap around my neck. "Anything."

"Mmhm!" I sigh out in the gaps we take for air. I wrap my hands around her waist and squeeze her softly. My body heats up. I take off my jacket, and Katniss loses hers sloppily. "We can bake!" she says laughing, her lips still glued to mine. I chuckle and bite her lower lip softly. Her hands return to my neck and she presses her body against mine, causing me to slam against the wall.

I place my hands on her thighs and pull her up. She wraps her legs around my waist. I tilt forward and carry her to the couch. We collapse on the couch. Katniss taking command as she straddles me. We kiss more intensely than we ever had before, and I feel all of me succumb to temptation. She shifts her body as she kisses me, pressing her groin softly against mine. "Katniss" I whisper into a kiss. "Mmhhm…" she responds softly. Little by little her body picks up momentum, from a soft hesitant movement to a rough grind.

The sensation stemming from her motions are beyond what I've felt before. And I'm not alone in saying so. Shy moans escape Katniss as she kisses me. I jerk my hips instinctively earning me soft moans from Katniss. Her movements become erratic, and eventually her motions slow down to a near halt, her staggered breaths titillating my lips in between long soft kisses.

We remain motionless for a few minutes, she stares deeply into my eyes then kisses me softly, taking my bottom lip between hers and pulling them softly.

"Let's bake then." She says while laughing breathlessly. I nod, and kiss her, dreading the second that my lips will part from hers.


	10. Better

**Hooray for long chapters! I don't usually make them this long but what the heck right? Anyway this took me sooo long, I've been writing in intervals at a time because I'm busy with some other stuff but I was totally stuck buuuuutttt I got unstuck so I'm hoping the rest is smoother. lol. So Before I start I want to tell you guys about this awesome story you should read by DeathKitsune of Death. .net/s/7138274/1/The_Hunger_Games_through_Peetas_Eyes I'm a Peeta Junkie and if you are too I'm sure you'll enjoy. =D. Muahahaha! Anyway Reviews are always appreciated and yep chapter 10 =D.**

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><p>Chapter 10: Better<p>

**Peeta POV:**

I haven't felt this happy in a long time, maybe ever. As I stare into her grey eyes I can't stop the happiness from growing. This just happened, this moment just really happened. It's not something I'll forget, I saw her expressions, the blush that spread on her cheeks as body convulsed from pleasure.

I never really dreamed I could make her feel like that.

"So baking?" I say smiling. "Yeah." She says with a small grin on her face.

We attempt to bake for less than an hour, but it soon becomes just me baking the rest of the bread. I look at the clock and I see it's only noon. I guess our hunting trip ended much earlier than I thought. I small amount of guilt takes root in the place where anger once boiled.

"Hey" I say shyly, "is it going to be alright? Between you two?" My mind splits in a multitude of direction. I hope I didn't cause her any trouble! Conceited jerk, what the hell does he think he knows about me! I hope she resents him for his words. The selfish, the caring, the jealous parts of me, they all interject and I struggle to clear my mind.

"I guess. We've fought before I suppose." Fought? I think to myself. I didn't really consider that a fight between them, I know he'll probably be mad for interrupting their time and efficiency but I would assume that anyone fought today it was me and Gale.

"You guys had a fight?" Curiousity is bubbling inside me, and the selfish thoughts jump to the front of my mind. I see her expression twist with pain, effectively drowning the selfish side of me. "Never mind…" I say. My guilt further amplified by the pain my words seemed to have caused her.

"I don't think he had the right to speak to you like that." No he didn't! But I nod understandingly, and keep a thankful expression on my face. "I'm sorry about this morning, I was just being selfish, I just…"

"It's ok." I say softly, taking a break from the bread to make eye contact. "I am a terrible hunting partner after all." She laughs slightly and we drop the topic.

The day goes by in a flash, the baking, the talking, the dinner, Prim winning at chess. All this has become such an integral part of my life that I can't believe it's actually happening. We don't talk about what happened between us but I can always feel that we are both aware. I feel this reserve of energy build up inside me every time I speak to her, and I hope with all of my being that she feels it too, the need to touch skins, to see her blush as she bites her bottom lip while her body crashes sensually onto mine, to be intoxicated by each other's breaths. I tell myself to fight it, I tell myself that I shouldn't get my hopes up, but I can't. I can't deny to myself all that has happened between us just because I'm scared. I love her so much. But that's always been the problem; I've always been able to love her more than I love myself. I've always felt incomplete when we part ways and tonight is no exception.

**Katniss POV:**

My pattern of existence with Peeta became a little bit more solid than it was before. It's been almost a week since the hunting incident, and what we did after. I still can't believe that happened. I can't believe I DID that. I don't completely understand why I've done so much with Peeta, I don't really understand my feelings either.

On the other side of my world Gale hasn't spoken to me since that morning. To be honest I don't want to speak about that day either, but I often wake up missing him. Why can't we just go back to what we were, why can't he miss his best friend as much as I do. I really want things to go back to normal, but I'm scared that they won't he won't let them.

I wake up weary, I haven't gone hunting since that day, and I told myself that I would hunt today.

I walk downstairs and meet Prim and my mother; breakfast had been waiting for me for quite some time. I eat the room temperature food and grab my gear. I feel extremely awkward on my way to the woods. What if he's there? I know he will be there, and I know that he is the reason I'm going to the woods, but how will we react to one another.

I slide under the fence with a little more confidence than before; slowly I lost the fear of the electrified fence. I grab my bow and head to our meeting spot, determined to face my fear. After some time I feel his presence, but this time he doesn't make the mistake of revealing his location.

"Are you going to avoid me or are you going to hunt with me. Tell me now so I don't' waste time waiting." I say to the forest.

"Fine" I hear from behind a large evergreen. "Let's go." Says the emerging figure of Gale, I catch up and we begin our hunt. We are silent most of the time, he quickly takes out a rabbit and minutes later I catch a squirrel. It makes me think of Peeta but I quickly force him out of my thoughts, this isn't about him.

"See how much easier it is when the hunting is left to the hunters." He says matter-of-factly. He won't let anything go.

"Don't do that!"

"What?" he says with mock innocence. I don't know why but it doesn't suit him, even if he's not seriously trying to seem innocent.

"Don't be so petty. He did nothing wrong." He scoffs at me. "Sorry, I didn't mean to insult your little boyfriend."

"He's not my boyfriend!" I retort quickly. "We're friends. You know like we're supposed to be." Though I've never been so "friendly" with you. I think to myself.

He takes my words seriously and I see regret reach his steely façade. "Yeah…" we return to silence, but this time it's much more familiar. He catches a second rabbit and I make a clean kill out of a fat turkey. I look at him triumphantly, I made the better kill. "You're still the better shot Catnip." He says smiling at me. I go to my first instincts and hug him. "I'm glad I came today." He nods. "Me too."

We clean our kills and head out of the forest. I accompany him back to his house and say my hello's to the rest of his family. Before I leave I give him another hug. "I missed you."

"Me too. Let's hunt again soon." I nod and return to the Victor's village happily.

When I arrive home I go straight to the kitchen, I finish prepping the game and store it in the fridge for today's dinner. "Prim!" I yell out to the living room. Minutes later she walks into the kitchen. "Yeah?"

"Hey where is mom?"

"She went to town, she should be getting back soon, the supply trains are coming today and she went out since you haven't been hunting as much."

"Oh." I say. "Ok. What are you doing?"

"Nothing for now but I'm going to go to Peeta's house in a while." I'm completely surprised by this, he never told me anything about this, and neither did Prim. "Why are you going to Peeta's house? Does mom know?" I'm not sure why I even say that, over the weeks I'm sure my mother has grown trusting of Peeta, and he's one of the few truly trustworthy people I know. "I asked him if he could teach me a little about baking and he invited me to help him make some of the bread for dinner. He said he'd help me bake a cake too." The excitement in her voice makes smile.

"Mind if I join you?" I say smiling. I was planning on spending time with Peeta anyway until dinner. "Sure I'm going now." The excitement in her voice is palpable. She's never had a cake, even for her birthday.

"I'm going to wait for mom but I'll join you after I talk to her."

"Why do you have to wait for her?" Prim says curiously. "Oh, just something for dinner, I'll meet you in a bit." She nods and walks out.

I sit on the counter and wait for my mother to arrive. It doesn't take long but I'm strangely impatient. As she walks into the kitchen with bags of supply I present her with my idea for dinner. She gives me a questioning look but agrees anyway. Then make my way out to meet Prim and Peeta.

I knock on the door even though I know there is no need to. "Come in!" I hear Peeta yell from inside. I enter surprisingly shyly and make my way to the kitchen. The first thing I see is Prim, her arms and face covered in flour. Prim stands behind Peeta, who is covered from almost completely in the white powder laughing. "Hey" he says smiling; the only visible feature is his piercing blue eyes. "We just had some trouble with the bag." I stand behind the threshold of the kitchen, trying with all my might to contain my laughter. "I'm going to go change, I'll leave her in your hands." He hands Prim a wet cloth and walks out the room. I follow him with my eyes. Once he is out of the kitchen and out of Prim's line of sight he removes his shirt. The sight of his exposed back sends warm shock through my legs. We haven't talked about that day, and we certainly haven't had another moment like that again, but I still haven't been able to forget it. I wonder if he has.

Once he reaches the stairs he shakes his head, creating a cloud of flour. He looks in my direction and smiles at me. "I'll be back soon, show her how to knead" he says laughing. I don't take my eyes away from his exposed chest. I haven't seen him since the games, and that situation was way different from this. I shake my head erratically and walk towards Prim.

"Are you ok?" says Prim while wiping the flour off her arms. "Yeah, why?"

She glances at me closely. "You're red. Are you blushing?" she says with a questioning face.

I touch my cheeks, I hadn't noticed how hot my face feels. "That's weird…it must have been from the cold or something." She dismisses me and finishes wiping her face. "So what do we do next?"

I laugh. "I'm not the best person to ask, he's tried to teach me before and it never seems to work out." She laughs and says. "Well then what are you doing here?" playfully. "I'm just here to watch!" I says definitively. "Oh, Katniss" she says shaking her head. I smile. "So he's going to make a cake for you?" Her face lights up, "Yeah! He even prepared the frosting early this morning so we could decorate it!" I smile at her.

I can't believe a moment like this is real, almost a year ago I could swear Peeta was trying to slit my throat. Now he is giving my sister one of the best memories she's ever had. He walks in seconds later; he pushes his flour riddled hair to the side. "Better?" Prim laughs. "If you say so." He smiles at her. "Good enough. Let's finish that bread so we can start on your cake." Her face lights up once again. I don't think I'll ever get tired of seeing it.

They get straight to work on the bread and he teaches her how to knead it properly, she struggles a little at first but quickly gets a hang of it. "She's a natural…just like you." He teases me. "It must be in our blood." I say sarcastically, he laughs then gets back to work. After a few minutes of working the dough the separate it into several masses and put it in the oven.

"Great, let's get started on the cake." Prim nods and watches attentively as he explains the steps they will take to create her cake. He gathers all the ingredients and I can see Prim bursting at the seams with impatience. Still she controls herself long enough to pay attention.

They work tirelessly for almost an hour and when the bread is ready they remove it from the oven and insert the circular pans filled with cake batter.

"Now we wait, and then comes the fun part." Prim is elated.

While we wait we strike up a small conversation. Prim entertains herself by watching the batter as it begins to rise in the oven.

"I heard you went hunting today…" his tone is apprehensive.

"Yeah." I say happily. "How is Gale. Are you two alright now?" I smile, today for the first time I got to spend time with my friend. "Yeah, he's doing well." We continue the small exchange, it's a little awkward at first, but once we move away from Gale it loosens up. Somehow we've become comfortable enough with each other that we can talk about sensitive topics, even if just superficially, still I don't attempt to go anywhere near or encounter. The beeping from the oven interrupts our talk.

"It's ready!" Prim states eagerly. Peeta takes the cake out of the oven. "Let's frost!" he says smiling.

He takes frosting out of the fridge, and allows Prim to sloppily cover the cake in the white cream. She looks at him disappointed in her work. "Don't worry, this is really good for your first time, it took me forever to frost this well when I first started." She cheers up. "Make it pretty for me." She says looking at the cake. He tussles her hair playfully. "What do you want on it?"

"Umm…" she says as she thinks, "how about flowers, lots of different flowers." Peeta nods and sets his focus to the cake. At first he only smoothes out the rough edges of the frosting but then he begins to create an intricate garden, pink, white, yellow, green, red. Layers and layers of colors, creating a lush scenery of wild flowers. All of them I can recognize, I've seen them all in the woods, but the white flower that stands in the center of this beautiful garden I don't recognize right away. It doesn't seem to fit among the other flowers, rather than being as vibrant it is simple, three staggered petals with spaces in between. What is it? I know I know it.

Prim points at it. "What is that one Peeta?" She points at the simple flower in the center. "It's my favorite flower" he says simply. "You don't like it?"

"No its fine, I think it's pretty I just haven't seen it before. What is it called." His eyes seem to register embarrassment, as if he revealed a terrible secret. "Would you believe I can't remember right now?" He says slapping his forehead with his palm and smiling awkwardly. Prim laughs.

They both stand back once he finishes. They stare at it for a minute before he speaks. "Do you like it?" Prim looks at it a little longer. "I love it, thank you Peeta." She gives him a tight hug and helps place it in his refrigerator. "I'll take it over today, let's just put it away so that the frosting hardens a bit."

He looks at the clock. "Wow it's late!" I look at the clock; it's almost 6 in the afternoon. I hadn't noticed how fast the time was passing by. We decide to leave shortly after, Prim was practically completely covered in flour and needed to clean up before dinner, Peeta was in similar if not worse condition.

Prim is the first to head out. "Don't be late." I say before leaving. He removes his shirt again. "Heading straight for the shower." He says. This time when I stare he takes notice. "Oh, sorry, I didn't think." He's about to put his shirt back on when I walk towards him, closing the door behind me. "Don't worry, It's not like I haven't seen you naked right?" he laughs. "True enough. At least you knock now." I smile.

It takes all my strength not to grab hold of his waist and press his exposed chest against mine. I step closer still. "Remember…don't be late." He leans forward. "I won't…" I can feel his breath. Before I have time to think I press my lips to his.

My body moves on its own accord. Instantly I wrap my arms as much as I can around his shoulders, digging my nails into his back as I bite his lower lip.

I remember the hunger I felt almost a week ago, the insatiable need to be closer and closer to him. Peeta doesn't resist, but after a few moments of passion I feel him wince. "What's wrong?" I whisper, my lips never parting from his. "Nothing" he says but winces again. "Peeta?" I say, finally pulling away. He licks his lower lip which is red and tender from the rough kisses and bites. "Sorry it's just my back."

"Your back? Did you hurt it?"

"No, it's not like that. It was just a little rough." He says turning around slightly, revealing the deep scratches. "Oh my god! Peeta… I'm so sorry why you didn't say anything."

He smiles. "I don't care. I didn't want to be the one to end it." He leans forward and plants a soft kiss on my lips. "I don't mind at all." I suppress the impish smile that threatens to invade my face.

"Sorry" I apologize again. "I'm going to go now… I need to shower too." He nods and we part ways. When I reach my house Prim peaks out the kitchen. "There you are. What took you so long?"

"Oh…" I say absentmindedly "I just forgot to tell something to Peeta so I went back and it took a little longer…"

"Katniss you still look a little red." She says softly.

"Oh yeah…it's a cold night isn't it." She nods, but the look on her face tells me she's not satisfied.

"I'm going to go shower. You should too, you look like a ghost." I say playfully. I tap her nose as I pass her on my way to the stairs. I reach my room and enter the shower. I strip my clothes and shower. I'm very excited for dinner.

**Peeta POV:**

I rush to the shower; after all I can't be late. As the warm water rushes over me I can't help but smile. I must look strange, showering with a huge grin painted on my face. I finish and rush out of the shower. I must have gone to her house dozens of times already but I always feel so excited.

I arrive early, eager to see her but Prim is the first to greet me. "Hi Peeta" she says with a smile on her eyes. "Hey Prim, help me with the bread?" she nods and takes the bread basket from my hand so I can better handle the cake we made. "Where should I put the cake?" She leads me to the kitchen.

I set the cake in the counter and greet Katniss' mother. I wouldn't say we're close but I do think we've become comfortable with one another, enough for small talk at least. Katniss joins us some minutes later.

She seems excited about something, and when her mother passes me a plate with two types of meat she reveals why. "It's squirrel." I smile. "It's your favorite right? I caught one today so my mom made it especially for you." The smile on her face makes me happy. But it's nothing in comparison to the feeling I got from knowing she actually thought of me, even in the woods.

During dinner Prim seems restless, and the second we all finish eating it becomes apparent why. "Peeta show mom the cake we made." She says with a large grin. "Ok." I say smiling. I'm sure Mrs. Everdeen had already seen the cake but I didn't want to ruin Prim's excitement. Katniss helps me bring out the cake and we all take a few minutes to admire my handy work before carefully cutting it. "Hey did you member the name of the flower in the middle?" Damn! I think to myself, I hoped she would forget about it. "Oh sorry I forgot about it, don't worry I'll remember." Or you will forget about it, at least I hope so. I see Katniss stare at the flower for a moment, maybe she recognizes it… I hope not.

"Anyway let's eat." I say cutting the cake and diverting every ones attention from the flower. We eat in silence, the cake was a little too sweet in my opinion but no one else seems to mind. "How is it Prim? Do you like it?" she doesn't answer, she just digs into the cake happily. I take that as a yes. I notice that Katniss seems very preoccupied with something. I give her a sidelong glance and she smiles at me. I guess it's not something too serious.

Like we usually do we move into the living. Prim seems content enough from eating her cake and the conversation that we've struck up so we don't play chess. And after some time she takes her usual leave. "We should bake again" she says before leaving to her room. Katniss' mother stays with us for almost an hour before taking her leave.

Once she leaves Katniss repositions herself close to me. We talk for a few minutes about nothing in particular. I want to ask her about Gale but I'm scared I'll learn something I don't want to know about. I know they aren't together, but neither are we and we've done plenty. I shake the thought out of my head.

"That flower…" she says staring into the fire. "Why do you like it? It seemed kind of plain." The question makes me nervous. "I think it's beautiful" I say to her matter-of-factly. "It isn't over the top, but that's one of the things I like about it, I don't' have to think about it to know it's beautiful, it's just enough to captivate me."

"I thought it was weird you'd put such a plain flower in the middle of all those beautiful ones." She says thoughtfully.

"I think it's the most beautiful one." She smiles at me. "You have weird taste then." This makes me laugh. "You think so? Maybe I do." I look at her and laugh.

"Is your back ok?" she asks shyly. "It's fine." I say still laughing. "It's just a battle scar right? I survived Katniss." I say playfully. She punches my arm. "Don't make me sound like such a catastrophe!" I laugh harder still.

"Not a catastrophe, I'd say more like a force of nature." She looks at me impishly. "Force of nature… I think I like that."

I fight the urge to kiss her, even if I were sure she wouldn't reject me I couldn't be sure while in her house.

We settle into a comfortable silence for a while, the warmth emanating from the fireplace lulls us.

"I never thought Katniss was a pretty flower." She says leaning into my shoulders. The blood rushes into my face. I straighten my back and she stumbles to regain her balance, but falls near on her side instead. I stand from the couch and look away from her nervously. Damn, I should have known she'd recognize it.

She seems to be holding back a chuckle. "Come on its not that bad" she says teases me.

"Did you recognize it right away?" I ask, the heat on my face still flaring. "Not right away" she says, "I haven't seen it in while." she pauses. "How do you know about it?"

"My dad showed it to me a long time ago, he told me it was called Katniss, that the it was edible." Crap it's edible! "Does your family know it too?" I can't imagine what an idiot I must have made out of myself. They know I love her, but maybe they dismissed it as a ploy for survival….Katniss did.

"I don't' think they know the flower, I've brought it a few times but only the roots. It's the only edible part." Relief washes over me.

I sit next to her. Her laughter seems to have died down. "Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

"I was thinking how to bring it up." I laugh. "Congratulations on finding a subtle way." She slaps my arm. She's never been so playful with me before. I look outside the window into the darkness.

"I think I have to go?"

"Why?" she says.

"It's kind of late." She looks at the darkness and nods slowly.

We walk to her door slowly. I struggle still with the need to kiss her; she left me in that kind of state when she left. My heart beats harder as I get closer to the door, I feel like I'm missing a chance I won't get again. I stand outside her door in the cold night air; I turn around and kiss her softly. I pull away and look at her face, trying to see if it was the wrong move. "What was that?" she says smiling. "I've wanted to do that since you left my house." I kiss her again, this time she kisses me back. "Come back inside its cold out here." I shake my head. "Why not?" she says boldly.

"If I go back inside I won't ever want to leave." I whisper into her ear. "I don't want you to leave…" she says shyly into my neck. Her breath is hot on my exposed skin warming my entire body. I kiss her passionately. "I want you to choose me… I love you." She doesn't answer. I didn't expect her to, but I still feel the sting of rejection. She kisses me and we say good bye.

The night is bitterly cold, and I feel it's punishing me for being so bold. I can see my house, dimly illuminated by the moon when I hear light footsteps behind me.

I turn around and see Katniss running towards. "Are you alright?" I say concerned with her sudden appearance. She wraps her arms tightly around my neck. "Stay with me" she says softly.

"Katniss I'm not going anywhere I'm just going to sleep." She shakes her head. "I know but I don't want you to go." I don't want to go anywhere; I could stay in the bitter cold of the night if I'm with her.

"I won't go anywhere Katniss. I'll stay with you."

"You'll stay with me?" she says leaning her head back to look at my expression. "Always." I say reassuringly. She grabs my hand and leads me to my house. We walk up the stairs and settle into bed together. She curls into my chest and relaxes.

"Peeta?" she says looking into my face. "Yeah?" I say softly. She plants a soft kiss on my neck. "I choose you."


	11. Mistake

**It has been a month, I have been so busy that my head almost popped. So I have to say that I am soooooo glad to finally update. So here is the 11th chapter of Road of Revolution sorry for anyone that has been following I never meant to take sooo long. I won't be able to update as quickly as I normally do because School is back in session but non the less I promise to finish. And I will write and hope that you will read. So here it is finally =D. Hope to be updating at least on a weekly basis. So thanks for reading. =D. REVIEWS ARE APPRECIATED =D**

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><p>Chapter 11: Mistakes<p>

**Katniss POV:**

I woke up long before Peeta did. I wonder if he could even sleep last night. After I told him he was energetic to say the least. It suddenly dawned on me. I chose him. I chose him. I really chose him.

A smile reaches my lips.

He looks so peaceful asleep.

"Peeta!" I whisper loudly.

He doesn't stir. I press my hands to his chest.

It's warm as is rises and falls rhythmically. When did this happen. I think to myself. I try to think of all the kisses we shared in front of cameras, when did it stop being fake…for me. When did I develop this need for him?

"Peeta" I say a little louder but still whispering. He stirs, slowly opening his eyes, and smiling as he pulls me into a hug. "Hey…you're still here."

"You think I'd run away?" I say half seriously. "Well…" he says, "I thought it might have been a dream." Always good with words…even when half asleep.

I meet my forehead to his in our embrace. The room is being flooded with sunlight, giving it a dream like quality. My eyes travel across the room, taking in the surroundings, I've seen it plenty of times but it always feels new to me. It makes me feel refreshed, rested.

"How did you sleep?" I ask him, pushing my body further into his. "Great…You were with me." His eyes shift about nervously. "I don't have nightmares when you're with me." I know exactly what he means.

"Me too." I say smiling to myself. His expression lights up. He kisses me tenderly, somehow infusing his essence into a split second of contact.

It isn't enough.

He pulls back and rests his captivating eyes on mine. "What?" I say laughing.

"Won't your family be worried?" I didn't think about them. "You asked me the same thing after that night you got drunk." My words seem to sting but only slightly. "I just don't want to cause you any trouble." He says heavily.

I grab the collar of his shirt and pull him into a kiss. "Stop being so thoughtful…what about the trouble I cause you?"

He props his head on his hand, supporting himself on his elbow. "You don't cause me any trouble. If anything you take it away. All of it." He's wrong; I know I'm the sole source of his troubles. But I can't say it isn't flattering. I kiss him again, and once more it's not enough. I inch closer to him and pull him so his torso is resting on mine. He raises an eyebrow. "And how do I do that?" I say with mock innocence. This time he kisses me, and it's not the shy tender kiss we shared minutes ago. It seems I woke him up.

I can't help myself, my body aches for him.

**Peeta POV:**

I can't control myself. I want her so much.

I struggle to control my hands that gain confidence much too quickly.

I pull away and lay flat next to her, completely out of breath.

"You shouldn't do that." I don't believe the words as they come out of my mouth, and from the grin on Katniss' face I don't think she believes me either. "And why shouldn't I?" she says in a haughty tone.

"Because it's hard enough to control myself…even when you're not in my bed." She smiles. "Who says I want you to?" as she says this I feel a warm sensation in my stomach.

I take her hand in mine. The skin is calloused at the base of her fingers yet it doesn't feel rough, they're warm and inviting and reassuring. I never feel whole unless I'm with her.

We lay in bed for a couple of minutes until we decide to finally go eat. I prepare a simple medley of fruits, along with some toasted bread and milk. We sit in front of the fireplace though we don't start a fire. I stretch out on the floor and tilt my body when I'm getting food.

Not once does the smile fade from my face, and every time it threatens to disappear I catch a glimpse of her. After breakfast we clean up, and when she leaves I feel that emptiness take me over once again. That feeling that I lack being whole. And I regret. I regret controlling myself when she didn't want me to.

**Katniss POV:**

On my way home I feel light. Like an out of body experience, I feel strong and confident. My words come back to me. "I choose you." I chose him. Even though I never really thought about choosing anyone I chose him. The jumbled thoughts bring a smile to my face, and I walk mindlessly back to my house. Seconds after opening the door to my house a voice wakes me from my absentminded stupor.

"Katniss?" I hear a voice from the kitchen. "Is that you?" I see Prim's small figure emerge from the kitchen. "Yeah…" I answer, still not fully aware of myself.

"Where were you?"

"I went to the woods…" the lie comes much too easily.

"Oh?" I hear from behind me. I turn around sharply. Gale gives me a look. He knows it's a lie and a crippling anxiety takes over my body. Gale! He's here. I didn't even think about him.

"Gale…what are you doing here?" I say nervously. Prim returns to the kitchen satisfied with my explanation. Gale on the other hand has an edge of curiosity in his eyes.

"I was just going to see if you wanted to go hunting today. But I guess you already did that?"

"No!...no, I just went to the forest to relax. You weren't just there were you, I didn't see you."

"We'll I am stealthy…but no I wasn't. I came here this morning but Prim told me she hadn't seen you in the morning, told me I could wait for you if I wanted." I nod. "Well yeah let's go. I'm going to grab my gear ok."

"Yeah. Why didn't you change before you went this morning?" Never misses a detail... I think to myself.

"Guess I'm getting forgetful huh?" He smiles, but it's laced with something I can't quite decipher.

We walk to the forest in silence; we swiftly swoop under the fence and head straight to the woods.

Gale sets up a few snares before we start to hunt. And soon after that he makes the first kill. A squirrel, the kill was messy, through the ribs. I make the second kill and catch a rabbit.

"Trade you?" I say smiling. He stares at the plump rabbit, cleanly shot through the eyes and then at his squirrel. "Why?" he says curiously. Even to me it seems like a bad trade but I know Peeta likes squirrel. I consider telling Gale who it's for but ultimately decide it's a bad idea. "No reason I just feel like having squirrel….but if you don't want to…." I say pulling away the plump rabbit as if I'm changing my mind.

"No, no…that's fine. It just seems like a strange trade for this scrawny little thing." I smile at him as we trade spoils and he smiles back oblivious to the fact that it's for Peeta.

We hunt continue our hunt for a while without speaking. I manage to catch a few more squirrels for dinner before we decide to call it a day.

"So….I need to talk to you." Says Gale seriously, breaking the silence between us.

I turn my head to him and nod.

"I got a letter the other day…" he sees the confusion spread across my face. "From the capitol."

An instinctive fear spreads through my body. I grab his shoulders protectively. "Why?" I shout. "Is everything ok?"

He smiles amusedly. "Calm down Katniss, it isn't anything like that." His composure calms me but I can feel my heart beating wildly. "I got a job offer….well not just me I assume others got similar offers."

"A job offer?" I say fully confused. "What do you mean?"

"They want to create a workforce that is representative of the people not just those already in the capitol. It's an amazing opportunity Katniss, I could help rebuild this world."

My mind refuses to process the information. "Fine…sure, are you going to take it?" I see his smile falter.

"I'm not sure…the thing is that the job is in the Capitol." His words hit me like bricks. In the Capitol?

"You're leaving? When were you going to tell me? When are you leaving?"

I see his expression shifting. Darting from neutral, to sad, to defensive. "Calm down Katniss I haven't even said yes yet."

"What about Hazelle and the kids you're going to just leave them here?" I feel my desperation rising.

"I already talked to my mother and siblings. If I say yes they're coming with me. They provide housing as well so it would be good for them. Katniss they have actual schools there and hospitals. I could give them a better life."

His words make me feel selfish but I press on. "So then you're just leaving me! Why is it because I didn't throw myself at you?"

The composure fades from his face. Anger takes over.

"Just what the hell is that supposed to mean Katniss? " I know what I said was wrong but it's all that is running through my mind.

"You can't leave!" I say definitively. "Why Katniss? Why should I even stay?"

I stare at him for a few seconds before lunging myself towards him. The weight of my body catches him of guard and nearly causes him to fall. It happens in a strange blur. The warmth of his lips on mine, his bloodied hands leaving smears on my jacket and face, his heaving breathing growing heavier.

Peeta.

The thought makes me pull away quickly.

"Katniss!" Gale says sternly. "Are you giving me a reason to stay?" I can't answer him…I can't even look at him. Or myself. Or anyone. I just leave. Trying to outrun my guilt, my anger, and myself.

**Peeta POV:**

I don't understand how I'm able to survive without her, it couldn't have been more than four hours and I already feel empty and alone. I know I'll get to see her during dinner but I want to see her now, I want to kiss her now.

I spend a couple of hours preparing the bread before getting ready for dinner. And the closer I get to finishing the lighter I feel.

I leave in a hurry to her house, and though I try to keep control of my feet they press on faster and faster.

My heart is beating faster and faster, but the second I knock on her door my anxiety begins to fade. I'll be close to her soon.

"Hi Peeta" says an ever beaming Prim. "Hey" I say smiling genuinely but I'm disappointed it isn't Katniss. Prim hugs me and leads me to the kitchen where Katniss stands awkwardly, trying to keep herself busy. Just the sight of her brings a smile to my face. When she notices me she smiles shyly and her eyes flee from mine. I would love nothing more than to kiss her where she stands but I know her family doesn't know…maybe she doesn't want them to.

I shake away the thought before I begin to spiral. "Hi" I say softly. She smiles once more. I arrive a little early so I use the time to settle in and help out with preparations. Katniss acts strange towards me but once Prim leaves the room and we are alone she walks towards me wraps her hands around my waist, leaning forwards to place her lips firmly on mine, making me feel complete once again.

It's all short lived though. Just as quickly as it started we hear Prim's foot step and break away from our embrace. While we prepare the dinner table I shoot sidelong glances at Katniss. Her demeanor has returned to being nervous making me equally nervous.

We eat quietly until a knock on the door disrupts our silence. Katniss springs to actions instantaneously and disappears from the dining table while her mother, Prim, and I sit silently wondering who it was. Five, ten, fifteen minutes pass. And when Katniss doesn't return curiosity gets the best of me.

"I'll go see what she's doing" I say to Prim and her mother who are equally as curious as I am. They nod in approval and return to their dinner.

Before I reach the door I hear the voices and I know the only person it could be. Gale.

"What am I supposed to do Katniss. I just don't understand what you want or what you mean."

I hear a loud sigh. Instantly my mind starts to weave situations but I make an effort to stop myself. I decide to leave them alone when I hear it.

"Why did you kiss me Katniss. What did that mean…for us…for me." The words cause me to stumble making my attempts to slip away futile. Katniss opens the door and her eyes lock on mine filled with shock.

"Sorry to interrupt, I was just on my way back to the table…we were just wondering if you were ok. Hey Gale." I try my hardest to mask my hurt but I feel it's useless. I smile at Gale awkwardly and he reciprocates the gesture. Katniss stands frozen between us. As I walk a back to the table I feel my body melt. Prim gives me a worried glance which kick starts my interview instincts and the charming Peeta takes over. Setting everyone's worries aside.

Except mine.

After a several minutes Katniss reenters. "What did Gale need?" says Prim to Katniss.

Alarm spreads on Katniss face as her eyes dart to me. I fail once again to hide my pain. But she knows I wouldn't say anything.

Dinner drags on for what I feel is an eternity. But the minute it's over I say my goodbyes. Desperate to escape my torment. Katniss follows me with her eyes as I hug Prim and her mother, but when the time comes to say my goodbyes to her I can't seem to do it. Instead I smile and say goodbye to her. Her face twists with pain.

I rush out of the room. I can't get out quick enough.

Katniss follows me silently, like she would prey I suppose. But I can feel her presence. When I reach my door I give her the opportunity to catch up. She stands behind me mutely.

"What do you want…" I say trying to sound strong but the cracks in my voice betray me.

"I…I want to talk…can we go inside?" she sounds weak but I refuse to falter.

"No…if you want to talk we'll talk her!"

"Yeah ok…" Silence overtakes us.

I turn to face her but refuse to meet her eyes.

"You kissed him?" I say breaking the silence.

"Yes."

The waves of pain bubble from my stomach.

"It's not what you think it is Peeta."

"Really? Then explain to me Katniss what is it? What is it that I can't understand?"

"He said he was leaving Peeta…I just…I didn't know what else to do!"

I feel the rage build up inside me as the realization hits me. "Because he was leaving? Last night when you said don't leave me. That's the only reason you chose me! You just caved! God! What an idiot I am."

"You're not Peeta. It's not like that."

"Yes it is Katniss. If you chose me, REALLY chose me, you would have never kissed him under any circumstance."

"He's my best friend Peeta! I don't want him to leave."

"You don't get it do you. Katniss you lied to me. Especially if you meant what you said last night you betrayed me. And the worst part is that I believe you I always believe you."

"Peeta I'm sorry!" She yells.

"No you're not! You're only sorry because I found out!"

The clapping noise is more shocking than feeling of her palm slamming against my cheek.

"Peeta I'm sorry!" she gasps.

"Goodbye Katniss." I say trying to control the rage.

"Peeta don't, I'm sorry I didn't mean to." Before I have time to turn away she presses her lips against mine.

Warm tears rush down my cheek. "It's like a reflex for you isn't it." She backs away. "And you know what the problem is?" tears begin to rush from her eyes. "It's my reflex to believe you." I turn away

"You said you wouldn't leave me. Last night….you said you wouldn't leave me." The smile that twists on my face scares even me. "You said you chose me. Maybe I'm a liar too…goodnight Katniss." The last few tears I roll down her cheeks as I close my door break my heart. But then again I'm used to the pain, so I close the door walk to my room and force myself to sleep like I have many nights before.


	12. Reaping

**First of all, I apologize for the cheesy names. I don't like to make names but I had to lol. Second of all, thank you all of reading, especially if you even remembers this story after that huge period where I didn't update at all. Also thanks for the support. I didn't have much time to reread so my grammar will probably be pathetic so I apologize for that and finally reviews are appreciated. I will try to update as often as my schedule allows me to. Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy. Oh also I know the last few chapters were a bit short. Sorry, I'm having a bit of trouble pacing the story, hopefully its not to much of a problem.**

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><p>Chapter 12: Reaping<p>

**Katniss POV:**

It's almost been a month since Peeta and I had our dispute. Things have changed so much since then. Gale took the job offer, and I'm honestly not surprised, it was an eventful day for more than just Peeta and me. We've communicated a bit, but words on paper aren't the same thing as talking and I'm not sure we can talk yet.

My relationship with Peeta has been equally as distant. Sometimes I wake up and feel an extreme cold, and no matter many blankets I use my body shivers and seeks warmth. I know the only thing that can provide that warmth is Peeta, but I don't have the right to look for it.

He's avoided talking to me. He even stopped having dinner at my house. My mother noticed the first day, but she never asked me upright. I saw him a few times, he still brings bread sometimes but every time he sees me he leaves. It makes me hate myself; I know it's my fault.

Last night I sat at my window and looked over to his house. His lights were on and it took all my willpower to not run over to his house. I just want to force him to forgive me; I want him to just understand that I didn't mean to hurt him. Every day has been a challenge, I feel alone.

Today is no exception.

"Katniss…" says Prim as I enter the kitchen, "Can I ask a question?" I nod groggily. She takes a deep breath. "Why doesn't Peeta come over anymore?"

Her words jar me awake. "When do you start school?" I ask desperately trying to escape the topic. She rolls her eyes. Prim is an intelligent girl and my aversion probably answered her question…it's because of me. She analyses my shifting expressions for a few moments, then decides to drop the topic.

"Schools are going to open after the games. They said on the reports that it's symbolic of new beginnings." Her sarcastic tone would be funnier if she weren't so young. It's sad.

"Oh." I say and start to exit the room, but before I have the chance to escape Prim stops me.

"You can talk to me you know… I'm not going to force you but if you ever need someone to talk to I'm here." Her words stop me in my tracks, and it takes all of me to not cry and collapse on the floor.

I feel her hands wrap on mine. "Just don't forget you have family too." She pats my back and leaves the room.

"I know…thank you Prim." She smiles softly. "You should talk to him."

I should. I feel like I need to. But I can't. Besides he probably doesn't want to see my face.

"It's not so easy…"

"Why not?"

I don't want her to know why… "It's just complicated." I pause to think about how much I'm willing to reveal. "I just don't think he wants to see me right now." She frowns slightly.

"I don't know what happened between you two but I don't think he can stay mad at you." The slight smirk on her face lifts my mood….but I know she doesn't know what happened. If she did she wouldn't be so confident.

**Peeta POV:**

My breakfast tastes bland, everything does. Ever since our falling out I haven't been able to see Katniss. It hurts too much, at the same time it hurts just as bad to not see her. I feel like I'm breaking apart. I don't paint, I don't bake, I don't' do anything. I just watch myself slip slowly into apathy. I've been going to the bakery more often, business has really picked up but even with the bigger work load they still didn't need me. It made me feel even more out of place.

I'm in the middle of preparing my breakfast when I hear the knock on the door.

Katniss! My mind goes straight to her. How could it not. I rush to the door but stop at the doorknob. My hands shake, and I feel my heartbeat quicken. It hurts just to think about her. I collect my courage and turn the door knob. The blue eyes not grey.

Prim stands shyly in front of me. "Can I come in?" she says in a meek voice.

I nod and lead her in. "Is everything ok?"

She looks at me for a moment and says "Why don't you come to dinner." She stares at me intently but I'm absolutely speechless.

"I've been busy" I say while ruffling her hair playfully.

"That's not true is it?" She says with a raised eyebrow.

"No…it isn't." I say defeated, she's much too smart to believe it. "I'm just not sure if I should go over anymore."

"Why?" she adds instantly.

"It's complicated." A small smirk laces her face. "Something funny?" I say slightly peeved.

"Katniss said the same thing." Katniss…her name resounds in my head. I miss her so much.

"How is she?" I ask…giving in to temptation.

"She's ok…especially for today." She says seriously.

"What's happening today?" I ask absentmindedly. She looks at me for a moment before speaking.

"Peeta…today is the reaping of the capitol children." I feel my stomach sink and my body gets heavy. I hadn't thought about the new games at all.

"Does Katniss know?" the concern in my voice is palpable.

"I don't know, I assumed she did but she has been preoccupied lately." She says softly.

For such a young girl she has a great deal of subtlety.

"Prim I just can't talk to her right now. Besides I don't think she wants to talk to me either. I guess the one person she could talk to…." I stop myself before revealing too much, Gale has nothing to do with this moment. Prim cringes with expectation.

"It's just complicated…I told you."

"Ok well I just wanted to know how you were doing. I'm glad you're doing well." With that she makes her way out of my house, leaving me with one resounding thought…Katniss.

**Katniss POV:**

The sound of the door finally breaks my daze. "Prim?" I yell from the couch. "Is that you?"

Seconds later prim enters the room. "Yeah it's me."

"Where did you go?" I ask curiously.

"Oh, I just went out for some air." She smiles. "I just wanted to get a little bit of Sun." She sits next to me.

It's early but I feel tired, and as I fall asleep, with Prim by my side, with the gentle sunlight and pleasant atmosphere, I feel an ominous sensation.

I wake up hours later, I feel disoriented and lost. Its dark out and the only source of light seems to be the television. Was I watching television?

I rub my eyes, trying to adjust to the sharp contrast of light and dark. I'm still in my haze when I hear the familiar words.

"And the girl third girl tribute is Almina Koinstark"

The word tribute explodes in my brain. What's going on? I bolt straight up and focus my eyes on the television.

THE REAPING!

It's today. I look at the girl crying as she is separated from the crowd. She must be at least sixteen. Slender build, pale skin, she almost doesn't seem like she belongs in the capitol except for her bright pink eyes. They pierce through the television, even when blurred with tears. I catch a glimpse of the other girls; none of them seem to be any younger or any more composed for that matter.

My heart is racing and my stomach is turned upside down. I try to look away but I can't, the horror is taking over me, controlling me.

I look around the room Prim is missing, so is my mother. The room starts spinning and before I know it my instincts take hold. I run out of the room, out my house and straight for Peeta's, the only other person who can understand how I feel at this moment. The only clear thought in my head is will he even talk to me.

I don't have the opportunity to analyze my options. I pound my fists against his door. No answer.

I feel my body get shakier and my will falter. "P—" I can't sound his name. I pound the door harder. Still no answer. My desperation grows.

"Peeta!" I shout piercing the night air. "Peeta please open the door. It's me…please."

I hear his loud footsteps just beyond the door, but I don't see it opening. "I'm sorry…I know I shouldn't come here…but I saw them…it was a girl…Almina!" as I say this the door bursts open and he takes me into his arms.

The warmth of his body instantly calms me, but his hold is different, shaky. It isn't until I take a good look at his face that I see the desperation in his eyes.

"The televisions just turned on Katniss, just like they use to before. I couldn't tell what it was at first, I just heard sounds from the study and I saw her, a girl from the capitol, she was crying…" he shivers.

"I should have thrown away every television set in this house….they're forcing us to watch Katniss!"

I hug him as tight as I can. "I don't want to watch it. I don't want to be a part of it anymore." I bury my face into his shoulders, and I feel his head shake as he passes his hands through my hair.

"We don't have to watch it Katniss. I don't to be a part of it either." He pauses awkwardly. "Is your family watching?" as he says this I can see him bracing himself. But when I shake my head his expression softens. I understand why, I can't imagine what I would feel if my mom or sister watched the games after everything that's happened.

In the distance I hear it faintly, "Trent Oresake" and I feel my heart plunge into desperation once more. Peeta's grip tightens around me.

"I'm sorry Katniss, I just couldn't stay in that room long enough to do anything." I nod. His grip loosens, and before I can tighten my grip on him he escapes my grasp. As he exits the room I feel anxiety creeping up on me. I can't really understand it but I still hear the voice in the background. It's another girl I think. Then silence.

"I had to unplug it…it wouldn't even turn off." I nod silently.

We stand awkwardly in the darkness, the door wide open, inviting a bone chilling breeze.

He walks past me and stands at the door, giving me a questioning look before slowly closing the door. We return to silence.

"I'm sorry I came so late. I just didn't know where else to go."

He nods his head. "I understand." The distance between us chills my body. I want to be in his arms, I just don't know if I should.

"I can leave if you want…" I suggest halfheartedly. Afraid that he would accept my offer, but he doesn't, at the very least he was as rattled by the events as much as I was. Though I know, even at this moment that it isn't the only thing keeping me here.

"Come on, I'll make some tea."

I follow him into the kitchen and sit on a stool by the island counter. He works silently, only speaking when necessary. "Chamomile ok?" I nod, even though he's facing away.

When he hands me the tea I see the smile on his face. Is he happy that I'm here?

"Something wrong?" I say letting curiosity get the best of me. His smile fades and he stares into his cup of hot tea.

"No…" he says after a few seconds of silence. "I just always found it funny that I know you're nodding. You always nod, even if I'm not in the room." As he says this I feel a smile creep on my face.

"I guess you just know me."

He stares into the steaming cup again before taking a careful sip. "Yeah…maybe."

We spend over an hour drinking tea, neither of willing to consider what actions to take once we were done with our beverage.

"Prim came to see me today." Says Peeta while absentmindedly staring into his empty cup.

"Oh? What about?" I ask.

He looks up in surprise. "Oh…um nothing she was just wondering about some bread, she wanted to learn to make."

With that we go back into an awkward silence, until neither of us can deny how tired we are. I look at Peeta intently, wishing I could ask him to go to bed with me, but once again I know I can't really do that.

"Y…you can stay…if you want…if you need to stay. I mean it's really late." I welcome his reasoning, no matter how weak it is.

"Thanks, I wouldn't want to wake Prim or my mother up." He nods understandingly, though he is fully aware that sneaking in and out of my house has never been a problem. We walk cautiously to his room, trying desperately to make no sounds, almost as if we were scared that we would wake up the sleeping spirits in the house, as if any noise would reveal what we're doing.

We get to his room and he signals me to the bed. "I'll be in the room across the hall if you need anything ok?" he smiles….sadly.

The thought of him leaving me alone for the night awakens all my anxiety, and just as he is about to turn away I take hold of his hand. "Stay with me?"

The smile fades, leaving only a mask of sadness. "Always." And with that one word we climb into bed together. A heartbroken boy and the girl who broke his heart.


	13. Heavy

**So...its a short chapter, and its been a long time but I will finally start posting again. I was busy with some applications but...I got accepted so I have time to start writing again. I plan to update as often as I use to so I hope that makes up for the long break. As always reviews are appreciated and I really want to apologize for the long lack of update. And hopefully enjoy =D**

Chapter 13: Heavy

**Peeta POV:**

I feel heavy.

The second I woke up I saw her face. She looks beautiful. I always think she does but now her image makes me think of Gale. When I see her lips they aren't alone.

My eyes travel across the landscape of her body, I've missed her so much these past few weeks. I think she must have been lonely too, but not for the same reasons. Gale left the district not to long after their discussion….and their kiss.

The sunlight streaming through the windows lands softly on her skin.

I want to touch her; I want to drag her body over mine. To feel her skin on my skin, I want to slide her clothes off; I want to pleasure her as best I can. I want nothing in return. I just want her to let me make her happy. Is that really so selfish? Or is it stupid?

I wipe small tears from my eyes. I hate myself for being so weak when it comes to Katniss. I press my hand against my stomach, inching slowly towards my need. The tears continue to rush from my eyes. I consider if I should succumb to this small temptation. Just the sight of the skin of her neck drives me crazy.

"God Damn it!" I sigh out.

I squirm out of the bed making sure not to awaken her.

I head to the kitchen and dive into my comfort zone. Baking.

It takes a few hours but I finish several loaves of bread, each made with meticulous care, each a symbol of my frustration.

I pace anxiously back and forth for a short eternity, shouting endless truths in my mind, screaming all the things that I'm too much of coward to say out loud. I do this until I realize Katniss stands just beyond the kitchen threshold.

We stare at each other for a short moment. "Good morning" I say shyly breaking the silence.

"Good morning" she reciprocates.

She walks into the kitchen and sits on a barstool. "Have you been awake for long?"

I nod. "A couple of hours."

She replies with silence.

"I made some bread. If you're hungry." She nods silently.

I take my time prepping the food. Warm slices of fresh bread, a soft cheese, and juice…it makes me reminisce, but those moments we shared are gone. I feel my expression falter so I make a conscious effort to appear normal.

As I hand her the plates she analyses my face but remains silent. The distance between us is more evident than it was before. Last night we didn't really have time to react. The moment was fabricated for us and we were forced together once more. But now nothing is forcing her to stay. My eyes travel to her repeatedly, each time expecting to see her rise from her chair and walk away without uttering a word but she doesn't. I don't really understand why but I don't fight it, it's been a long time since I'd seen her and I want to enjoy her as much as possible.

We eat slowly even though the meal wasn't abundant. I guess it's a testament to how uncomfortable we are with each other.

"There is more bread if you like…" I say meekly. She doesn't respond.

I hate the silence between us, I hate that I can't just breach the gap that we have and kiss her. But most of all I hate that no matter what I do I can't make her love me. At least not the same way I love her.

**Katniss POV:**

I can't tell if it's just in my head but Peeta's eyes keep wandering towards me. I wonder what goes on through his head. Does he miss me? I want to ask him but I know that is selfish. He probably hates me…he should. It's fleeting but the flashes of blue are unmistakable. I shouldn't have stayed over last night… I didn't think it through, didn't think about the morning after. I try to keep myself busy, if I don't then I won't have a reason to stay.

I reach for the center of the table absent mindedly only to realize that nothing is there.

Peeta raises an eyebrow. I feel my face grow warm. He didn't place a platter with bread in the center… I don't know why I thought he did.

"Do you want more bread?" he breaks the silence of the moment. I'm not hungry…my appetite manages to disappear when I feel nervous, but if I say no then I'll probably have to leave.

"Yeah…if it's not too much trouble." His expression changes for a moment before returning to the same shy mask. "Its fine, I had already made some." He gets up and retrieves two loaves. As he carefully slices the bread I examine his face, his eyes travel shyly to my face, but the second they meet my eyes he looks away. What was that look on his face? Happiness?

I make an attempt at conversation, but it doesn't stick. We are both aware of the dangers of talking, if we do too much then we will eventually bring up what happened. So my attempt at conversation doesn't develop into anything meaningful. Or so I thought.

He laughs under his breath. "We use to talk more didn't we?"

"Yeah I think so." I say smiling at the fact that he spoke to me.

"Good." He says definitively.

"Why is that good." I say while fixating my eyes on the slice of bread I was about to eat.

He pauses for a moment, and I can see him carefully picking which words to say. "I was just curious. I was scared that maybe it was just me who thought so."

His words sting a bit. I wonder what else he thinks was just him. Our relationship? I guess he has a right to question me.

"No…it wasn't just you. I thought so too Peeta." His eyes meet mine but this time they don't shy away. It scares me momentarily, that maybe I was too transparent with my meaning, that maybe I'm pushing a topic that neither of us is ready to confront.

"I miss…talking to you…" his eyes still affixed on mine.

"I do too." I respond quickly. His eyes light up.

We don't talk anymore as we eat but the atmosphere is much lighter. Maybe we even closed the gap, if only a little bit.

Even though I wasn't hungry I manage to eat several slices of bread without much effort, but when the bread is gone so are the false pretenses.

"How did you sleep?" I say.

"Fine….you?"

"Fine as well…." As I answer I feel myself lose all that was anchoring me to the moment. Whether I want to stay or not I can't force myself onto Peeta so I stand up…."Thank you for breakfast Peeta…and…for last night." And I head for the door.

Maybe this is the end for us? I know he's a patient, and I know he loves me…even now…but survival instincts are strong, and I'm afraid I'm like a disease to him. All I ever offer is pain.

I grab hold of the door knob before I hear it. His voice from the kitchen, it's soft and hard to hear, even harder to understand but it draws me back into the room.

"I didn't have any nightmares last night…I've been having them for a while." His expression is timid, unsure of what his words give away.

"I didn't have nightmares either…I…I never do when you're there." I say. He smiles.

"I'm glad…at least we have that" he says to the air…

"I'm sorry Peeta." The words emerge effortlessly, and regardless of the consequences they may bring I don't regret them.

I give him a few moments to react but he seems to be speechless.

"Look at that…I have you at a loss of words. Never thought I'd see the day when Peeta Mellark doesn't have the words." I say, trying my best to be playful.

"I guess it's the effect you have on me." He says blushing.

I hold back a smile. "…" I try to speak but I fear I'll ruin the moment. So I don't. I nod and make my way for the door.

Before I can leave I hear him from the kitchen. "You can come back any time you want you know…if you need to talk or something…" I nod to the empty hallway, he knows me. I smile and make my way out, happy?


	14. Reconciliation

******Alright so I'm finally back, school was a doozy so it was impossible to get back on here but on the bright side I know what I'm going to do with the story so I should be able to update alot lol. Anyway for anyone who is still interested here is a very short chapter 14. And remember my grammar is still disgusting so please forgive me.**

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><p><strong>Chapter 14: Reconciliation<strong>

**Katniss POV:**

The weeks that followed allowed us to grow closer. No matter how hard we tried it seemed impossible to ignore the games. They were horrible. Even more so because it was the same arena that Peeta and I were thrown into. We all had our own ways of coping with the mandatory game hours but it was much more difficult for us. When the games played my mother and Prim would either go to sleep or dive into their medical work but for me it was much more difficult. Sleep wasn't something that came easy for me, and as for hobbies, even those were associated with scars. I don't know about sleeping but I know Peeta could have submerged himself in his art, if it wasn't for my coping mechanism.

While my mother and Prim preoccupied themselves with their medicine or sleep I ran to Peeta's house in desperation and took complete advantage of his welcoming embrace. They don't play the games at all times, but when something interesting is about to happen the televisions all turn on. Many times its messages from Coin, she points out how this is justice, how merciful the new government is due to the fact that they don't spring traps and sick muttations on them. But no matter how much they repeat it doesn't make it true. The fact of the matter is that they are just as sick as Snow was, just a bit more self righteous. I hardly believe there are many people out there who believe their crap, at best it's a few who still have the energy to be bitter.

The television turned on late at night, and I don't know why but no matter where I go I can still hear it. The games have been going slowly; very few of those kids have anything resembling instinct. Most of the seven that have died have fallen prey to starvation or accidents while trying to navigate through the terrain. This particular night I contemplated attempting to sleep through it, but just after a few minutes I realized I couldn't take it alone. I grabbed my coat and left the house towards the only place I knew I would feel safe in. Tonight he was sitting on the steps of his front porch.

"I thought you weren't coming" says Peeta sadly.

"Its cold ….you shouldn't be sitting out here without a coat." I say guiltily because I wouldn't have come unless I needed to. He looks up at the stars before speaking.

"I didn't want to be in there. I can hear everything no matter how far I am from the television." He looks me in the eyes "tell me…is it wrong that a part of me wants to know…that I need to know what's happening to those people."

It's a weird thing to say but I understands what he means, those kids are a sad part of our sad lives now, they are peers or rather one of them will be…it makes it hard not to know how they are thrust into our world. "No…it's not wrong…but it's sad." He smiles at me, like he always does, though there is nothing to be happy about. I walk to him take hold of his icy hands and lead him inside towards the tantalizing terror.

No tributes die tonight, but of the 17 that are left no more than 10 look like they can survive the night before starvation takes its final toll. We go to sleep together again, for that I am thankful.

**Peeta POV:**

Recently I'm more scared of what comes after the games. I'm not sure what is happening between me and Katniss but night after night she comes and sleeps in my house, in my bed. Knives I'm used to, physical pain is somehow manageable if you keep certain states of mind. But Katniss is different, she can hurt me much more than any weapon ever has and that pain lingers. Still when she lies next to me, I press my body close to hers, and when she pulls me even closer I allow myself to melt onto her. The fresh yet earthy scent of her skin, like rain, fills my lungs and inundates my brain with thoughts I know I shouldn't have. Seconds turn to minutes, minutes turn to hours but I can't sleep, not while I'm high on her presence.

"Katniss?" I whisper to the back of her head. "Are you awake?"

She doesn't move. I press my lips against her hair and breathe her in. "Katniss?" I say with a little more fervor. But still she does not answer.

"I still love you you know." I whisper to the darkness. "I don't really understand why it never works out between us. I sometimes wish I was him, it seems like no matter what I do you can't forget him. I guess it's selfish of me to expect you too. He's the only man you've ever loved and I'm dead weight that keeps getting in the way. I'm sorry that I love you because it just gets in your way….but I love you. I love you so much that I can only say this to the shadows in the corner of the room." With those words I say goodnight to my friends the shadows and force my eyes shut, let the sleep catch up at its own pace.

I'm awakened by the familiar pressure of eyes being on me, and for a few moments I can't help but feel that I'm back in the arena. She must have noticed what I felt because the first words out of her mouth were "Sorry. Did I wake you?"

Her eyes quickly dart away from mine.

"I'm not sure" I say. "Hungry?"

She doesn't answer, so I don't leave, I simply stay still and stare at her expectantly. This is new again, this familiar arrangement that we've had for quite a long time. Since the games, so many times we've shared a bed, so many times she has pressed her body close to mine, so many times I have to resist urges and remind myself that this doesn't mean anything. But this, this is new. Katniss has always treated our times together like a tool. We sleep together but when morning comes we separate. Today she stayed, she didn't hold me there but somehow I felt like I didn't get her blessing to leave and make breakfast, to start the part of the day that we are separate.

We lay there for what seems like only a few short minutes but the changing sun tells me it's been hours, but I refuse to be the one to break this moment. Instead Katniss' body does. "I guess we really should eat." I say laughing as her face reddens when the rumbling in her stomach grows substantially louder. Her expression hardens and for a minute I fear I've overstepped the grey area that is our boundaries.

"Be quiet! This is your fault too!" she says and slaps my chest. I smile at her familiarity and nod. "Come on…let's eat."

And so we start that part of our day, the one in which we are separate people, but I'm still happy…or happier then I have been other days.

**Katniss POV:**

We eat slowly…I feel a level of trepidation at the thought of having to leave. But I don't completely understand why, yesterday I would have stayed home if I could…at least I think I would. I eat slower and slower and eventually it comes to a stop. My thoughts are growing louder and louder, shouting, making it hard for me to ignore them. I think about Peeta, I think about the games, and I think about Gale. I don't even understand why he pops into my head but once he's in there I know it's going to be difficult to get rid of him.

"Are you ok?" says an attentive Peeta.

"Yeah" I reply and attempt give a reassuring smile, and though I know I fail at it Peeta smiles back but I can tell his energy has been dampened.

"Do you miss him?" says Peeta through the silence.

At first I don't really get the reference. My father? But suddenly it sinks in, Gale!

How do I respond? What does he want to hear?

"Why do you ask?" is all I can muster.

"No reason." He responds plainly but there is an obvious ring of curiosity. "I was just curious you know. I figured you guys keep in touch since you are so close."

Gale is a sore subject, and it annoys me that he brings him up. He tenses up suddenly, and I realize that my expression has grown grim.

I soften my face as best I can. "Anyway it's not important." He says very apologetically, and with enough regret to guilt me into talking.

"We haven't spoken much." I say and instinctively search his face. I don't know what I'm looking for but I think I expected happiness. I'm relieved to find nothing of the sort, I think I even see a degree of worry.

"I would have thought you kept in touch." He says while looking at his food.

"You're not the only one." I say mindlessly, and then we revert to silence.

"You should talk to him" he says reprehensively. "I think you're happiest when you talk to him."

I look at my food. Am I? "You really think that?" I ask him without making eye contact.

"I'm not sure. I always thought so." He says somberly.

"Not always." I say definitively. "He's just important to me thats all."

"Yeah…I understand." And will that we both return to our food.

**Peeta POV:**

Stupid! Is the only thing in my head. Why would I bring him up? She's probably furious with me now.

After our meal we part ways and I return to a state of self torture. Bringing him up…was it a mistake? On the day our routine has changed, telling her to contact him, am I pushing her away?

Am I so scared she'll hurt me.

Again.


	15. Winner

******So hello! I finally got around to writing and here is the next chapter. I'm hoping to keep writing because I don't want to leave the story unfinished. So here it is, grammar mistakes and all. Again thank you for reading and reviews are appreciated but not required as always =D**

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><p><strong>Chapter 14: Winner<strong>

**Peeta POV:**

I've learned.

To say the least I have learned.

I've learned that time is an unrelenting force, slow when you are in pain and too fast when it comes to pleasure.

In a week the number of tributes dropped from 17 to 5. I was horrible.

The New Capitol propaganda continued to remind us that they were merciful but after so many weeks I began to feel like it was some sort of sadistic torture. They had been there for almost a month, a month in hell. That isn't mercy, its torment. In a week the stragglers started to drop, 12 kids, starvation, dehydration, suicide. One boy was so exhausted he allowed himself to drown. It's a miracle that they survived so long, but there seemed to be less poisonous species, the arena wasn't as deadly, it was modified to make sure that these games last, it was made to be a torturous punishment. It is sick.

The last 5 were among the best survivors, if you could call them that. These kids have never experienced hunger or struggle and now they have to kill each other? Almost none of them have been able to kill, something that surprised me a little, I guess I expected them to be more selfish, or at least have more self preservation instincts. I guess that's the problem though, they don't have any instincts.

Lambs to the slaughter.

**Katniss POV:**

The past week has been brutal, I go to Peeta every night but I still find it hard to deal with. Of the 5 kids remaining I only remember the girl with the pink eyes from the reaping. I'm not sure why I don't remember the other ones; it's usually a hard thing to forget.

I leave to Peeta's house like I usually do but this time feels different, the night feels strange, the air is turbulent.

"Hey" he whispers from the porch as I approach his house.

"I thought I told you to stop sitting outside…its freezing out here."

"I was waiting for you…I didn't want to be in there when it started." He says meekly.

I place my hands to his cheek and feel his skin react to the touch. I feel compelled to look at his eyes. "Come on…let's go inside."

The games had already started, and the first thing we see is a flash of red. One of the boys killed the other. It was a strange sight because none of the contestants had been so aggressive until now.

I felt Peeta's arms wrap around me and at that moment I felt an intense appreciation for his presence. I felt that strange need to press myself closer and closer to him, to never let him go. I settle for squeezing his hands and settling my head near his neck. He holds me tighter and I take in the scent of his neck. For a split moment I forget about what I just saw…but a moment isn't long enough.

The cameras seem to revel in the events; they close in on the boys face, focus on the splashes of blood. Then the dead boy, his face was horribly bruised but it was the blow to side of his skull that killed him. There was an indentation above the mutilated ear. The impact crushed the ear. Every detail was easy to see. But the worst part was that it reminded me of Thresh, and Clove…

**Peeta POV**

It was shocking to see. The boy stayed there for a few moments staring at the fresh corpse. His eyes blank, his expression cold, but his hands trembled. He dropped the stone he used to kill the other boy and started running forward. I wonder what changed in him.

"Do you want some tea?" I ask Katniss trying to break her focus on the screen.

"No" she says, "just stay here with me." I nod.

The cameras followed the boy without fail, like a vulture, he seemed to have an air of determination, he was willing to kill, he had changed.

Less than a half hour later he finds a tribute girl, no older than sixteen, at first she doesn't react but seen panic kicks in and she starts to run. It was horrible; the camera perspective gave me a sensation as if I was the one hunting her, making me sick to my stomach. Minutes into the chase she trips on a root and falls, slamming her head on the trunk of a tree. Disoriented and unable to get up the girl pulls out a knife. She was one of the few who actually grabbed weapons; still it gave her little advantage. She swung it wildly for a few moments but without mobility it did little to scare the boy away. She broke into tears and dragged the knife across her throat. Her reaction shocked me, the boy winced, but part of me felt he was thankful he wouldn't have to kill her himself.

Katniss' hands gripped tightly to my shirt no doubt leaving marks on my underlying chest. Out of compulsion I press my lips against her forehead and pass my hands through her hair. But when her grip lessens I realize what I'm doing and pull way. "Sorry." She doesn't answer. But after a few moments I feel her head shake.

I'm surprised by how loud the screams are and when I look at the screen I see the boy sitting on top of another one driving a knife wildly into his chest. Tears rushing from his eyes, mixing with the blood, mixing with the tears of the dying boy. He kept lunging his knife into the boy much after the he stopped screaming, but he never stopped crying. His hands never stopped shaking.

Something about his insanity made me pity him, him and not the boy who was brutally murdered.

He sat there silently crying for a few moments, it's strange but in the games they wouldn't have shown something like this, not the aftermath. But now there were only two of them left and I knew that their hell would end tonight, but I also knew a brand new one would start the next morning.

The camera now started to alternate between the boy and the girl that were left, it was strange but I always kept track of her, she was hard to forget with her strange pink eyes. They were close to one another I think but it was hard to tell one part of jungle from the next. So I watched as the cameras shifted and every time she made a turn I feared for her life. I found myself becoming attached to her no doubt because she would soon become a victim of that poor boy who snapped. Soon enough she was approaching the cornucopia and as she exited the forest so did he. She walked around for a few seconds without realizing he has there, he just stared at her silently, like a true predator.

I'm not sure what revealed him but she turned around and saw the boy, covered in blood, puffy eyes and shaking hands. She didn't run though she just looked at him as he began to walk towards her, knife in hand.

The closer he got though the more her body started to shift and soon she began to step back. They kept this up for quite the distance until she started to run, but he was faster. He grabbed her by the hair and pulled her down to the ground and as her head hit the ground he took hold of her neck and sat on her, much like he did to the last boy. I knew this was it, the games were over and that boy is the new victim to join our band of misfits.

My body tensed at the thought of him killing the girl but part of me was relieved it would be over. She cried and squirmed and I couldn't help but look away. I awaited the screams but none came. When I looked I saw him, whispering into her ear. He removed his hand from her neck and stood, extending and arm forward to aid the girl. I watched silently and couldn't help but think they would attempt to defy the Capitol just like Katniss and I did. They walked towards the lake side by side but just as they were about to arrive a thundering voice filled the arena, but it wasn't Claudius it was a woman.

"Coin!" I say aloud.

"I'm sorry to inform you that there will be one winner…or none. Unlike your games this is for justice, this is the retribution of Paneem and we will not be denied." Said the thundering voice.

It was disgusting to hear her words. This is not justice or retribution; she's just another power hungry monster willing to kill children to prove a point.

The boy instead laughed and held his knife steadfast he nodded to the girl with the pink eyes and proceed to cut both his wrists. He nodded again at the girl and painfully lowered himself. She approached him and sat down, stroked his hair and nodded nonstop as the blood slowly drained from his body. The cuts were deep.

I felt Katniss' grip once more but I did not look away. The girl stroked his hair a while longer but soon his pale face stopped moving, his fingers lay still and his chest did not heave. He was dead and this girl was the new winner of the hunger games. The new addition to the Victors…lucky her.

I feel Katniss' body and pull her in tight, tonight I won't be sleeping and I won't be letting her go. I hope she doesn't mind.


End file.
